I'm Diving into the sea of Trust

Tonight I got upset as I stood in line to buy some trash bags for the house and I saw that I didn't have enough money, not even a dollar more, to get Matt a notebook for his History class. I stormed to the car a bit frustrated, and suddenly it all came on like a wave. If I didn't have enough money for a notebook, what was going to happen in college next year when I'm working and living off of ramen for 3 weeks with my part-time job making the same amount of money? The same dilemma happened on the phone last week when I was talking to an IHOPU secretary who was clearly not suppose to be answering the phone. I pulled out my list of questions. 

"Are there scholarships or payment plans offered for tuition?" I asked. The woman plainly said, "No." 

"Well um... Okay. How am I suppose to pay for it exactly?"

"Most of our students get funds from their families who are willing to help them out, or from fundraising."

Irritated with her answer, I told her that I would call back when I had more information and questions and hung up. It was the same irritated feeling I get when people ask why I don't have a car. Their families pay for their tuition? Pfft. Granted that it isn't a lot of money, the point is that I know that no one in my family can afford half if my tuition. What's going to happen if I can't pay for this by August because I didn't make enough money over the summer and my parents can't help me? I can't pull $3,000 out from thin air. What's going to happen If I can't pay for anything in my future simply because I wasn't Born with a silver spoon in my mouth? 

 

I feel like most people don't understand how difficult it can be walking through school and passing people my age with their new car keys, MacBook pros, 4.0 GPAs, sports trophies, full-ride scholarships and acceptance letters, and they can be okay with going home after school and studying or hanging out with their friends. 

75 percent of them are being taught by their parents that free lunch and welfare is wrong and should be eliminated. 

It's as if each person I pass has a silver-paved road and tools to make it through. And me...

Trust. 

All I can do is trust. 

This is one of the most complex obstacles I've come to, but like a rock on a rock wall, it's more simple to overcome when you aren't standing there trying to figure out how to move past it. You just move up. You just climb. 

I'm just a tiny paint drop in a big picture. 

Maybe I'm a blue paint drop asking why the paint drop next to me is gray. 

A little time, a lot of Joy.

Happy 2014, everyone. Welcome to the year of the Open door. I've claimed this as my year. This is the year to see a lot of Jesus. This is the year of graduation, moving to college and all of the changes accompanied with That. This is the year I'll see Him move radically. 

Since the 5th of January, I've gone on a fast with my church to pray for souls and other things. I am amazed at what God will do in the small amounts of time we give Him each day. We each have a schedule and a life, but when we put God in the center, it makes life more fulfilling and we're living life to the max. Afterall, If we live life pursuing aimless goals and temporary pleasure, are we really living? 

Imagine you only have 10 minutes in the morning to spend reading your bible and praying. This morning, my worship leader Juan made a point when giving a brief testimony during service: Don't get discouraged for having not kept up with your "daily bible reading" all year. Don't even get discouraged If you overslept and only have a few minutes, or have a hard time spending 30 minutes or an hour with God because you don't know what to pray about or read, because not everyone can do that. In fact, most people don't. Everyone starts small, because it really makes a big difference.  Chances are, God knows how much time you're willing to give him That morning and he'll use that 5 or 10 minutes to speak to your heart if you let Him and if you focus. When we get caught up in doing all of this Christian bibley stuff as a mundane routine and a check-off list, then we're really missing out on the best parts of our walk with God. That 10 minutes in the morning filled with His glory is the determiner of your day. He wants every day to be an adventure with Him, and when we're positioning ourselves to give to Him and receive from Him, (like when we fast or when we open up our bibles in the morning, or stop to listen to Him talk to us throughout the day) then He will actually speak to us.  It's worth the extra 5 minutes of sleep. Heck, time with God is worth anything else you could be doing instead, because time with Him is eternal, it feels good, it fills you up and empowers you to help others, and it's what you were made for. So why not? 

Every once in a while we just need to stop, rest, catch up and clear our heads. It's common to forget about among our list of priorities. But resting up and spending time with God should be the top 2. My history grade can suffer a little if I haven't spent time with Jesus that day. 

So let me finish out this fast strong (even if I did trip up and eat a little junk food over the duration of the last 2 weeks...) because it's worth it! 

Sincerely yours,

Miss Adkins