Reconstruction

So, yesterday when I went hiking with my friend Theo, I experienced an exhaustion that I'd never encountered before. It was my first actual intense hike- a 9.5 mile trek through the savage gulf. Down hill, then uphill. Not expecting such a long trip, I wanted to give up toward the end and sit down and wait to be rescued, but of course the only way we would get back was to just move on. I put myself into submission and made myself go. At the end I was grateful to be on the way home, but the strange thing about our fun ten mile trip was that I would do it all again. It was spontaneous and unexpected. It was an obstacle that I had to conquer. But I learned that overcoming an obstacle actually requires you to put yourself into submission. In other words, it requires you to die to yourself- your plans, your ideas, your emotions, and let something greater take over. Christ overcame the grave by dying. We become born again by dying to our old ideas. It's an interesting newness that we find in ourselves when we push ourselves into submission.  

To go with this idea, this week I also had a dream that really shook me. I woke up feeling strongly convicted about some of my recent decisions and mistakes. God showed me exactly what I needed to fix in such a way that sunk down into the core of my heart and disturbed me on the inside. While many of these messages from God don't always come through dreams, he will send words, ideas, signs, and things your way to guide you to Him. In the end, there are two paths we can choose to take. There is a path that leads to life, and there's a path that leads to death. But the thing about these two distinct paths is that smaller paths (decisions, more or less) can lead to both of them. I'm incredibly grateful to serve a loving God that gives me a window to jump out of, or another path to lead back to the right way. Every decisions we make effects today, and eventually tomorrow. Every "Yes" and "No" in the end really matters. Every escape from the comfort zone will stretch you. Everytime you choose to die to yourself and overcome an obstacle that you thought you couldn't will bring him glory.  Every second spent with God is more important than every hour spent trying to figure things out on your own. He's reminding me everyday that He is worthy- more worthy than my schedule, plans, ideas and my faults.

So if you're like me, having struggled with your identity, feeling rejected, trying to please others and easily getting caught up in the middle of all the crazy ideas that the world throws at you, get this: He'll direct your steps and show you which path to take in the middle of your decision-making. Just like Proverbs says. But you know, it takes time sitting down and listening to Him. And I mean really listening, not just saying that 2 minute prayer before bed. Prayer isn't difficult. God is just there waiting for you to talk to Him and hang out. I strongly encourage everyone to spend at least ten minutes with God before bed, whether its by reading, listening, worshipping- you determine your needs. Sometimes we just need silence. So he can talk to us in our hearts. He wants more than a few seconds in your day. He wants you. 

For the next two weeks, I'm working on some reconstruction to get me into some new habits. 

I'm going to renew my mind daily, by jumping into talking to God more and reading his word morning and night.

I'm going to watch my words carefully and make my words life-giving. 

I'm going to hold near to him even when I feel rejected or unwanted, because he accepts our hearts as they are, unconditionally. 

I'm going to change myself so he can get more of the glory.

Reconstruction. Here we go.