Another old post I discovered...

This one was from the end of my 7th grade year when I was 13, May of 2009 I believe... about 5 months after my life was changed by encountering God and changing my life.



"7th grade sum-up year...

Well... It's about a week until the end of the school year. I've learned a lot more than I expected, and it wasn't all the subjects and stuff like that. It was life stuff.

First of all, I've learned after forcing myself back into church so much that God has for me. He took all my pain away from any past incidents [some that people know about and some that people don't] and getting recommited and filled with the holy spirit has changed me completley. Turned my life upsidedown. And Plus I've met new friends in church this year and I've gotten to know them. And I look up to them, too. I see them as my friend and a spiritual example. And I know they're true friends I can trust.

Secondly, I've learned that things happen. Like April 8th. That was when Jesse and his parents got shot. I just came to school the next day to hear about it, and it took a while for it to process through me. It hurt me to see Jesse looking so down at his parents funeral... and it hurt to listen to him talk over the phone. I knew he'd never be the same again... yet somehow, he managed to pull through and he's acitng like his normal old self again... in public. I know it hurt him when that happened, and it hurt even more when he came back to school to have girls that used to call him a "fag" chasing after him and drooling all over him, simply pretending to be his friend.

Thirdly, I've learned that there are true friends and fake friends. Some stay with you no matter what, and they're always there for you through thick and thin... while others want to leave you in the dust whenever something happens or give up on you all together after a short quarrel. Or fake friends that talk about you behind your back. Or ditch you because you like a guy that they like. But that's only the short side...
What I've learned about true and fake friendship... was that if they set a bad influence for you, then they really aren't your true friends. If they're always there, but they're telling you to do something that isn't best for you. Or if they've never given up on you, yet they don't care to give you a single warning when they know you're going to get into a lot of trouble for something. Those aren't you true friends because the choices they are influencing you to make aren't ones that show they care about you. Or maybe fake friends that love you one minute and diss you the next in front of their "cool friends."


Fourth, I've learned that not everyone is going to accept me for who I am, but that doesn't mean I give up. People not accepting you is a part of life. And it hurts, especially when you're just pushing your way out of your childhood. Some like you for who you are, and others completley resent you. Or maybe people you hardly even know want to diss you or try to start somehting right in front of your face. I'm still trying to get through that now, as a matter of fact. My brian is saying "not everyone is going to accept you" but I guess my full senses don't understand it yet.



Yeah, I've learned a lot more.

But as I've learned...

Some things must be left unsaid. "








This was an interesting thing to read over... and 7th grade was definitely an interesting experience... one of the best, I think. Some hard parts, but out of middle school, 7th grade was definitely the best. And filled with holy-ghost pursuing. (:

The Pull. (A True Story)

I wrote this when I was 13 after coming home from a trip to Baltimore to visit my dad... this experience was the first steps into a spiritual journey and a very important point in my walk with God.











The Pull.









It happened to me not too long ago.







"...Great. She's drinking this and then she's going to sit on an air-plane for two hours."

I looked up sheepishly at my dad, slurping my caramel-mocha Starbucks frapuccino as we walked out of the coffee shop. Everyone knew too well how I got after drinking coffee. We were walking back toward gate B7 in the BWI airport where my plane was suppose to take off in about an hour. We'd gotten there early so that I'd be able to board on early and get a decent seat instead of having to sit with a creepy old guy like last time. Yes, I was going on a plane ride by myself. But I'm thirteen... What could go wrong?

When we'd reached the waiting area, I flopped down in a random row I'd picked that was seated away from the crowded gate. I didn't always feel at my best in big crowds, which totally conflicted my dad and Aunt Serena. They were here with me, too, and we found our seats by the gate.



From a distance I noticed the whimper of a child located a short distance away. I searched for the source of the noise, and found my gaze resting on a mother and a little girl that sat together a few seats away. While I was distracted, I noticed my Aunt and Dad had started a conversation with the lady in the dress sitting diagonally in front of us. She had long blonde hair and her smile was bright. "So you're headed to Nashville, too?" my Aunt asked her.

The lady nodded. "Yep. I live in Murfreesboro.. not too far below Nashville."

My dad looked surprised. "Really? That's where she's going." He nodded his head toward me, and I kept my smile kind but couldn't help the shyness to it.


Once again, my hear caught the uneasy cries of the little toddler sitting a couple rows in front of me. I glanced over there and this time watched for a little bit. I saw her small face twist as she threw a fit, but as I continued to watch, I could see no cause of it. The mother of the little girl beckoned her closer, picking her up and wrapping her up in a blanket, holding her close as she spoke with a lady next to her. The little girl finally relaxed. Not even a minute had passed before the mother sat the little girl down beside her in the seat, and she stayed quiet now. Her gaze led straight in front of her; right where my dad and I sat. But she seemed to pay no attention to us. Her gaze was blank, staring into the distance as if she could see something we couldn't.

I wondered for a moment whether she was throwing a typical toddler tantrum, but she looked a little old for that. Something inside told me that there was something else. I wasn't just assuming because of her actions, but it was something far beyond that. How her gaze seemed lost, that empty and seemingly unassured feeling she let off.


Go pray for her.


The holy spirit was my helper and spoke to my heart all of the time, but this was the first time I'd ever felt the need to do anything like that.

Uhm... we're in an airport... I countered in my thoughts.
And What if the mom gets offended?


Go to them and ask the mother if you can pray with them. Go now before it's too late, listen to me.


I held back, sitting in the seat and continuing to watch the mother and toddler. My Aunt and the lady in the brown dress were talking to eachother, but that was blocked out, my spirit and body battling on which one would win. Either I was going or I wasn't.

My dad nudged me, then whispered to me in my ear.

"Hey... Don't forget to keep that little girl in your prayers, Hannah. Something isn't right."

"I know."

The little girl let out a cry once again, and it was almost as if I could feel her fear. It was as if something was scaring her, as if something was going on in her mind that none could imagine. She had gotten louder and had drawn the attention of many bystanders. The mother tried to calm her once again and told her to come. The little girl was standing up, now, and she backed away from the mother. The mom shook her head in distress and rested her head in her hands for a moment.

"And I think I need to go pray for her..."

My Aunt had heard me say this, and she raised her eyebrows.
"Well... if you really think you should go pray for her, then you should..." my dad instructed in a lowed voice.

"I'll go with you if ya want," my aunt assured me.



I stood up, and my aunt led the way to the row in front of us. Behind her, I hesitated for a moment. My heart was pounding in nervousness and uncertainty. What if something bad happened? What if the mom got offended or the little girl freaked out?



Just Go.



I stepped forward and listened to the voice. As we approached, the mom looked up. The little girl was seated beside her now, her expression calmed down.

My Aunt introduced herself, and I introduced myself. The mother smiled at us weakly, with question in her eyes.

The mother introduced herself quickly, too. I couldn't remember her name, but I remembered her daughter's name. It was Aurora, and she was an autistic five-year-old. The mother and daughter had flown several places so far, but they were originally from Canada and had come to Maryland to see a specialist for Autistic children. "Plus she's missing her dad..." the mother added. "So it's been pretty rough lately with all of the traveling...."

I nodded in understanding, and my Aunt was quiet for a moment. I assumed she was waiting for me to speak.

"Oh! Uhm... We saw you two sitting over here earlier and I wanted to ask you if... you mind if we prayed with you and Aurora..." I had choked up slightly while I'd asked the question, and my face had suddenly flushed hot in embarrassment.

Stupid social awkwardness.

"You mean right now...? Here?"

The two of us nodded.

The mother hesitated for a moment, glancing down at Aurora.

"Sure... if you want to..."

My Aunt and I nodded and smiled, walking over to where Aurora sat on the end of the row of black chairs. I crouched down next to her so that we could be eye-to-eye contact, not wanted to alarm her by towering over her.

"Hi, Aurora..." I spoke softly with a smile. She didn't respond, or look directly at either one of us. Her hazel-green gaze stared into the distance, lost in her own world. I wondered for a moment what she was thinking, or what it was like inside of her imagination.

"Dear father God in heaven..." I started off the prayer quietly and nervously, bowing my head. "I want to thank you for Aurora and her mother, and thank you for giving us the opportunity to meet them. I know you called me over here for a reason so that I could pray with them, and father I just release your peace and love on Aurora and her mom right now in the name of Jesus. I ask that you grant them happiness, knowledge, wisdom, a sound mind and a peaceful heart..."

I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. My Aunt Serena picked up where I'd left off, and prayed that they had joy and peace, too. After a moment, when we'd both finished, we'd said "Amen." in agreement and looked up.

The mother had been watching us, and as our eyes met I could see a mixture of surprise, question, and gratefulness there.We stood up, and the mother thanked the two of us before we walked back to our seat.
As we left them, I knew I'd never forget Aurora or her mom. It was definitely a helpful experience that I would share with a lot of people. And it was the first time I'd had the pull toward someone and asking if we could pray with them. I knew the Aurora and her mom was effected, even by a small action that caused them to think about Jesus. Maybe they wouldn't forget it either. Maybe the pull changed their lives, too."

"Bring out the blind people who have eyes,

And the deaf who have ears;

Let all nations be gathered together,

and let the people be assembled.

Who among us can declare this

and show us former things?

Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified.

or let them hear and say, 'It is Truth.'

'You are my witnesses,' says the Lord.

'And my servant whom I have chosen,

That you may know me and believe me,

and know that I am He.

Before me there was no God formed,

Nor Shall there be after me.'"

Isaiah 43:8-10

That was two years ago.



Now whenever I pray with someone, I'm not scared. They recover in Jesus' name because the bible says so.

I'm not ashamed to pray with a friend no matter how many people are nearby.

And I believe God heals these people.

Because when people see and feel signs and wonders,

they say

"It is truth."

When I look at the Stars...

I want to know you,
let your spirit
overwhelm me,
let your presence overtake
my heart...



I've been told time and time again that I think very small,

But it's the small things that I find my dreams and ideas in.




If there's anything more captivating to me than anything else God has created on the earth,
it would be the stars.


I would never trade any the nights I've layed outside beneath them from the time I was young until now.
It seemed that I would find myself running around in life, continuing and trying my best in the works of God,
but when I find myself beneath the stars I'm captivated by the beauty of his creation.
And when you find yourself in that place, it's like admiring him by gazing upon something he created.
It makes me wonder what he looks like.



"God, that's so beautiful."


It's like spending time in his presence almost.
Your mind can't wrap itself around the fact that God is bigger and more beautiful than the night sky.

Most of the time as we're absorbed in our day to day running, and we think "Oh yeah, that's pretty."

But we never stand for a moment to admire its real beauty and why and how God made it to be beautiful.




(Don't hate on the Lion King picture. It's awesome. :)

I find myself wanting a friend to share it with.



Once you see it and find yourself beneath this world of beautiful, vivid blue and black skies enlightened by small and large specs and wisps of light,
you find yourself in a dream.


Go outside one of these clear, starry nights.

Make sure all of the lights are off around you.

Go into an open area

and look up.

I woke up this morning with a Kim Walker song on my heart and I sang it and found some EXCELLENT verses in the bible that I haven't really noticed before.


"Bring out the blind people who have eyes,
And the deaf who have ears;
Let all nations be gathered together,
and let the people be assembled.
Who among us can declare this
and show us former things?
Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified.
or let them hear and say, 'It is Truth.'
'You are my witnesses,' says the Lord.
'And my servant whom I have chosen,
That you may know me and believe me,
and know that I am He.
Before me there was no God formed,
Nor Shall there be after me.'"

Isaiah 43:8-10


I think some good Jesus time before bed will help. I've really felt the need to just spend some face time in prayer. I've also felt like something is just going on that I'm uncertain of. But getting in a good place of prayer will help a lot. This way I will be seeing it from a higher point of view. :)

Love you all. Good night.

I haven't seen a prayer meeting like tonight in a very long time...

Our church gets together every Monday night for Intercessory prayer. On average about 15 or 20 show up... that's less than a third of the church. I suppose not everyone realizes how vital prayer is to the body. But as time has been passing lately people have stirred and something has sparked on the inside of people to come.
Actually I used to be one of the people that would be like "Okay, what's the point of this? You show up on a Monday night for like an hour and sit around and all you do is pray."
But as time passed and I soon discovered deeper meanings to intercession it became more to me... it became a lifestyle. The things we pray out effect the body and the future. These are prophetic things and I've realized over time and through growing in this that, as a member of the body, it's my responsibility to pray and interceed for the body and what the holy spirit has.

Tonight I felt something was going to be different after the sermon pastor preached yesterday... THAT was intense. It spoke to my heart so clearly and the crowd was responding. This evening as we'd begun to pray I noticed Mrs. Blonda go and get little Houston to walk around praying with her. After praying for a while I kept hearing the word "Seek" and suddenly remembered Pslam 27:4- one thing I have desired of the Lord, that I will seek the Lord and dwell in his house [etc.]
When I went to show Mrs. Blonda the scripture I didn't expect her to hand me the mic and ask me to start praying over it. Then afterward she had me pray with Houston and Janyra (8 and 11 years old, I think) while everyone else was walking around praying, adults, children and teens alike. It was like the holy spirit was using the young people to lead that meeting and pray through some things, but it was amazing. I could tell Houston was flowing with the spirit, just barely hearing him pray and Janyra seemed to be hooked in (though afterward she kept asking me weird questions that she should know... Mrs. Shanta is her mom for crying out loud, haha) But it was definitely different for me praying with people so much younger than me. I'm so used to praying with adults or other teenagers, especially by now, but not often kids at all, and I'm amazed to see that rising up.

He's raising up the young intercessors and musicians and missionaries to seek his face...

It's happening, is all I can say. :)

http://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Death-toll-in-Missouri-rises-to-116-7-rescued-1391206.php

It's so sad what's happened in Missouri... but the truth is that it hasn't only been there. Natural disasters have risen in Haiti, Japan, New Zealand, and so many other places. Tornadoes are ripping through towns across America and floods and earthquakes have left towns, villages and families devastated and homeless... and our job as people that haven't been effected where we are is to pray for them and help any way we can. Pray for relief and pray for souls.

In Conclusion to my 9th grade [freshman] year...

I find it hard to believe that my freshman year has finally come to an end. At first it was very unfamiliar and different- I couldn't imagine that I'd ever get used to how big and new this place is until now. 1,500 students is certainly more than 300... but it's opened up a new door.
Now in this time, I feel closer to God than I've ever felt before in my life... While I was running after God before, there were so many difficulties I could have avoided if I'd done what I was suppose to in that time... but I'm sure we've all found ourselves in a place like that.

A few months ago I remember I was in my closet with the door shut crying so no one could hear me. With my phone in one hand I was talking with my youth leader. I never imagined such horror would come out of a situation smaller than the ever changing mind would make it.
"And you know what?" I rememebr her saying. "No matter what happens, God always has a plan, and he WILL send friends and people to you. Be yourself and be who you are."

Out of that I learned that in order to keep going in this race of Hebrews 12:1 I must get to a place where I give up literally every THING and every PERSON in order to maintain who God really and truly is within myself. By giving up everything it doesn't mean that you can't have things and friends and relationships, but it means that God is your first priority and your source above all no matter what happens. Not things or people or anything else... I knew in my mind that I had to put God before everything, and I did to the most part, but the meaning had become so much clearer to me.
I look at John the Baptist after listening to Misty Edward's Isaiah 40 sermon that I blogged about before, and he had nothing. There wasn't anything someone could take from him that would weaken him, yet his relationship with God was so intimate and he was striving for the eternal.

The undergrowth lifted itself and the branches cleared on the narrow path. Things had become difficult, but now they cleared. God was my main source and my mind was set higher on eternity than ever before. And it wasn't too long after this that I began recognizing that there were people in this time and age that are passionate for Jesus on our campus, and that there was something else stirring ready to burst. (as cliche as that sounds, you think every second that passes it's ready to burst even more... and the awe of God never dims. :) Visions and dreams were shaking and I recognized the passion God wanted to put in other students for me to reach again.

My friend Blake came with me to the Onething conference in Nashville and said he'd never encountered God like that before, and a deeper passion was set in him, and since then we've talked every day in school about things of God and we've become better friends. We've had one prayer meeting in the courtyard in which about 7 students gathered on the National Day of Prayer...

and most of all, the spiritual shift of the body has begun to show its effects. And the harvest has sprung.

This was a year of Shift and Movement.

It's been a while...

Since I've last had a chance to post on here; sorry guys. I've been blessed with a new laptop but unfortunately it won't pick up internet in my neighborhood so I'm currently on standby...

I just want to say that within the past few months I've gotten so much closer to many people in school and I've seen a lot of things harvesting in the spirit. Things that I'd prayed for in the beginning of the year are happening before my very eyes. God is imparting a deeper passion in people I've prayed for and I'm seeing that in their lives and as future growing for passion for Jesus in our school. Even financial miracles have been happening- my trip to Children's Camp is paid off and I'm currently working on youth camp. I've been praying for opportunities to babysit for people and I've had offers left and right. I felt like I was drawn to help lead worship at Kid's Camp this summer and I may have an opportunity for that as well...
A few months ago while I was going to through a lot of pruning I knew I found my hope in God no matter what and that there would be a time of harvest even so... and it's awesome to see that it's happening. :) God is so good. And I will always remind myself of that every day that I strive to be more passionate for him.

to make his voice known...

I believe this summer is going to bring a lot more change...

Even between the last few months there have been so many changes. A lot of things were good at first and I set myself out to determination... then there was a long period of time where things got very difficult. I believe this past year has been a time of pruning... cutting things off of my life so that I can grow more.

I look back on what things were like 3 years ago and how they are now. Before then everything felt so familiar, and now there are even faint smells and feelings that bring me back to the goodness of those days... and there are whisps of a memory that bring me back to the dark places. I'd encountered God a little bit when I was a little girl, and I would listen to what my dad would tell me about the holy spirit and it excited me. I so much wanted to be like him- a person with a life committed to God and committed to living out and encountering the supernatural.

As I grew I started losing passion.I started wondering who I was and I wondered what purpose I served on this earth. When I was younger, around 10, 11, and 12 I was the weird girl. I was the laughing stock that was always picked at and made fun of. In 6th grade they tended to pick out the outcasts and isolate them and make fun of them, and unfortunately, I was one of those people. The people I hung out with cut my self-esteem down to nothing until I thought I was a worthless person.
That's one of the biggest reasons why I can't stand seeing other people get picked on now because they look or talk funny or act weird or they're an "outcast".
Because I know what it's like; I was that girl.
I got involved in things I shouldn't have and prefer to never go into detail about.
I was lost, and the truth was I'd become a floater. I had a trust for God but I was scared and, honestly, I was lost in this darkness I had no escape from. I wondered what it would be like to cut myself, but I never did it. I wondered if life would just be better if I died. I had panic/anxiety attacks because all of the stress and fear would close in on me at once.
It was a dark place.
But I had to change.
And I did.

I returned to church, going with Angie and Billy. Those were the days when we would just ride back and fourth to church in Angie's black camry with the windows down. We'd show up at the "church" which was Barfield elementary at the time. Billy and I would pull out the chairs and set up the projector, then Soy, Jenelle, Rachel, The Luttrells, Lindsay and others would come and we'd all hang out. Those were the nights when I started finding out who God was because I encountered people filled with the holy spirit, and the love of God shined through them onto me and showed me what it really meant to live a life of constantly encountering the real, true God. I remember we'd lay in the floor for what felt like forever after worship just soaking up the presence of God.
I remember feeling God's consuming fire after they layed hands on me at the Ramp my first year. I don't know what happen between the time we entered that fire tunnel of Ramp leaders laying hands on us and between the time I stumbled out crying with rivers of living water flowing out of me, but it happened. The holy spirit consumed me and changed me.
I soon discovered intercession and found who I was and what my purpose was in this- being a voice crying out in the wilderness. Between then and now- with youth camps, trips, movements, new experiences, new friends and what it's brought me to, I can hardly imagine what the next few years are going to be like. Getting more familiarized with the spiritual condition of my high school and bonding with other Christian students with passion for Jesus and to be a voice crying out in the wilderness of our campus is my calling for these next few years. It's the dream- for it to spread and make his voice be known.

I wonder, "Why can't we get over these emotions inside?

It's come to ad nauseum

and sometimes just makes me want to roll my eyes."

Why can't we just put it behind,

and why can't we just realize

that time is truly ticking by

and we don't have time to sit around and sigh,

we don't have time to think and cling,

we don't have time to even sing

these repetitive songs of life's usual beat,

it's time to change the path of the way you think

and shift into the unknown

to stir his voice aloud and make it be known.

To focus on only the priorities set before you

and not on the situations passing around you.

There's an inner place that's calling your name

and it's time to make it your life like the flame.