S.A.V.E, justice, and worship.

I suppose I should start with Friday night and how awesome God was at the SAVE worship night. So I will share this story with you. Tighten your belt, because this post is about to get intense.

The surprising thing is that it wasn't mainly the worship that moved me this time.

To be truthful, the testimonies that a few girls shared in front of everyone were very intense and heart-moving, and it was brave of them to share what they did. I know how difficult it is to open up to others about things you don't prefer to share. However, This specifically wasn't what shook me that night.

We watched the documentary S.A.V.E (Sustaining A Villiage Everyday, which was started by a group of students to support a town in Haiti) had put together from their Haiti trip this past summer.
The reality is that ten teenagers raised $27,000 for this tiny town in Haiti because God called them to and gave them what they needed. He just needed people that said YES to what he was calling them to do. And so these ten teenagers put their hand to work and said Yes to God and to greater purposes. And so there, in this tiny town in Haiti, was built a fresh water well for the first time ever. A fresh water well for people with no hope and literally nothing but the torn clothes on their back, the one small meal in their bellies and the leaky shelter ontop of their head that they're still grateful for.

To be completely truthful, what struck me the entire night and shook the very core of my being was the statistics shown in the documentary.
On the left a tiny red percentage of the profit in Haiti and their income, and here on the right side is America, the U.S.A, the land of the free and the home of the brave, which was about twenty times the size of the bar next to it.
I can't remember the numbers but they were drastic.
And I remember feeling this disgusting feeling inside and wanting to stand at the top of the empire state building and scream "WHAT ARE WE DOING, AMERICA!? WHAT IS FREEDOM!?"
We're wasting our money on crap like Jersey Shore, basically people who sit around and do nothing but party and "live it up" with everything they could ever want and buy stuff they don't need when there are people dying in a country that is closer to the east coast than California. To be blatantly honest.
I couldn't help but to cry. So close to one of the the richest countries in the world is the only 4th world country that is full of sick and dying people who have literally nothing. Food is so readily available to us and is an easy fix here in the states, but to them?

Here are some more statistics if you're interested.

http://haitipartners.org/who-we-are/haiti-statistics/

I remember after the video went off it seemed like everyone else was sucked back out of it. Happy music played at the end, and when it was over everyone clapped (not for the statistics, but for what the group had done). Then we jumped back into worship.

But I couldn't concentrate on the moment,
 because I felt like someone had damaged me on the inside.

I made some new friends that night, bonded with the friends I went with, prayed for some friends, and we had a lot of God-talk. But when I went home, I found myself sitting on my bed and quickly realizing that I couldn't do anything or think anything without feeling the weight of what was happening in a place closer to my home than California sink my heart.

I couldn't smile and pretend everything was okay after watching that, because it's not.
Nothing is okay when they're hurting.
It's not that I feel guilty for having money or living in America, but I felt disgusting for being selfish and for not even bothering to research what things are like over there. I felt awful for ignoring the facts and pretending that everything is okay in my own small world. But beyond the gates of Murfreesboro is a bigger world. Beyond the U.S and the east coast are lands that we could never dream. Some are richer and others are so poverty stricken that we couldn't bear it.

I paced around for the next couple of days wondering what to do with myself. I prayed about it and still felt this heaviness. I've never left the country and I feel this heaviness for these people I don't even know that are hungry and poor. I even got mad at myself and was confused and asked God, "Why am I here in my own comfort when they're sick and dying over there? Why didn't you call me to be a missionary and to live in other countries to help these people, God?"

The fact of the matter is that not everyone is called to live on the mission field. However, we're called to spread the gospel to every nation, and we're called to 24/7 Worship and 24/7 Works of Justice. This may include going on a trip out of the country to serve somewhere far away. Or perhapse it's rebuilding homes in your own city. Whatever the cost, whatever the calling, we're all called to serve God and to serve people. I've determined to give to the poor for the rest of my life and to sow into nations in need.

And to share something that I don't typically share publicly, I felt him whisper some things in my heart. He told me that it's okay. That I have only barley skimmed what he has called me to and that there is so much more about to open up in front of me.
He reminded me how not everyone in the world can be a full-time missionary among nations just like not everyone can be a prophetic musician.
For there are injustices in the earth.
There are hungry bellies, empty pockets, roofless homes, naked children, and dirty water.
But another ultimate injustice in the world is that our God isn't being universally worshipped.
And right now, we're living in a time of a worship revolution.
He also told me that when they (the people of the earth; the blind and the deaf) hear the sound of heaven- the very heartbeat of God, through the sound of worship- the songs of the prophetic musicians, they'll hear  he cries of the hungry and the poor. And they will spring fourth to fight for them.



1 Peter 4:10

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.



http://www.facebook.com/TeenSAVE

Home.

This is the song of the week, and one of my new favorites.







It's very good to be home after such a treacherous month. (I'm kidding when I say treacherous, but at the same time it's been very exhausting.) Now is the time to relax and wrap Christmas presents and listen to Christmas music and watch TV and catch up on some reading. I'm glad that we get to spend this first Christmas in our new house. There's so much room to do thing. Past Christmases were a little hard, but out of every house we've ever bounced in and out of, this house really feels like home.
 And I think that we'll be here for a very long time.

I'm feeling the need to spend time with God and fill my heart up over the break, especially before and during  the Ramp retreat. We can always come as we are and God will pour into us when we open up to receive his love, but there's just something about coming hungry and craving more as much as there's something about coming empty and broken. Either way, God is faithful. I remember how I used to respond to every altar call (the altar call for repentance or backsliding from God) because everytime I went on youth retreats or conferences there was always something wrong or some empty feeling in me that I never dealt with. But one year there was an altar call and I felt in my heart that I didn't need it at that time. I was suppose to stay in the same spot and just worship and pray for the people going to the altar. I would be part of the ones in the back that didn't feel the need to go. I'm not saying that I never need the altar, because I am not perfect. But the truth is that I didn't need to respond to every altar call and go back home and do the same thing over and over again. It's a significant growing point. The definition of repentance is "the turning away from" and so I turned away from the things that were putting me in the same hole, and very soon, things changed. It was finally a bad habit of insanity that I grew away from with the help of God.

Other than that, I say that the itch for adventure is still in me. I'm excited to travel again, even if it's only 2 hours away, to be with my Ramp family again. I'm excited to climb mountains. I'm excited to possibly go snowboarding, and I'm excited for phenomenal encounters with God to come during this retreat and life-changing things, and I'm excited for 2013. With some much needed time with God, friends and family in store for the next few weeks, it's time to make it the best.

The Prayer of the Weary

Dear God,

Midterms have tested me in great measures this past week. It has really tested my patience, and at the same time between struggling to study, I've struggled with comparison. It's during these times of walking on thin ice that I'm the most vulnerable and easily thrown off course. Help me not to compare myself to others. Just because I don't have patience, brain capacity, and can't endure long hardcore hours of studying doesn't mean that I am useless to you, and I have blinded myself to that fact over the course of the past few weeks. You love me through my weaknesses. You love me when I constantly lose and misplace things. You love me even when I forget things and have to write them down. You love me when I throw my book across the room after doing homework for two hours and decide to sleep instead of finishing it, and then you love my for making a bad grade on a quiz the next day because I didn't finish my homework. You love me when I'm not who I want to be or who you want me to be. You love me when I screw up and when I'm irresponsible, even when I pretend that I'm not. I yield my heart to you and ask you to forgive me, here in public so that when people hear me trying to compare myself again they'll punch me in the face (maybe something a little lighter than that, lol). Help me to spend more time with you and less time with myself. Help me to give more so that I can fulfill the calling and the plan you have for my life. Help me distort the mediocre, because even though I pretend to be like everyone else, I never will be. I accept that I'm different and that I won't fulfill the status quo because I was born for something more than trying to be like others. Help me define music in a new way. Put me in others' paths to cheer them onward to win the race. Put me at your feet because I've counted everything else as loss and have concluded that I'm useless for anything else other than living for you and worshipping you. Because when the door of eternity is standing wide open before our very eyes, it will be just you and I, and nothing else will matter. Form me in your way as the potter shapes the clay.

Love,
Hannah

This Weekend of Impact

I woke up bright and early this morning, knowing and expecting the anointing of God to fall in our sanctuary today as it faithfully does each Sunday morning at Word and Spirit. Everyone has worked long and hard for the past two months preparing what was going to happen today. I can't even describe the feeling I had last night when we finally went through the entire drama once without messing up or having to stop. After a long, hard four hour practice, the presence of God came and we finally got it down because we were worked in unity. And I can't even begin to describe the amazing anointing that preceded those practices this morning in our church sanctuary.

 Our drama was called "Simple Devotion". My youth pastor saw it at The Ramp when we went this past summer, and she felt the holy spirit tell her that this is what we needed to do. I completely understand the purpose now. I had a lot of questions at first. The drama is about Angels, and about how when we sit down and spend time with God and intercede (pray for other people), we have not only the Lord listening to us so intently and lovingly, but he has sent us angels to work on our behalf for us to send forth in any given situation. Truthfully, I didn't know a lot about the topic. I didn't have any scripture to back it up and the entire idea was sketchy and confusing to me. It isn't that I didn't believe in angels, but I didn't understand their purpose other than to worship God like they do in Revelations. "Why do we need angels to go do things for us when we have the holy spirit?" was one of my biggest questions. "If someone is in need and we pray for them, doesn't God provide that for them and minister to them?"

At first I was totally stoked about getting a big part, but then after the first few practices I started getting frustrated with it because I didn't completely understand it. And finally when Peewee/Edgar and I were practicing our parts I had to ask him about it. I asked him what angels did and what the scriptures were. I didn't expect the elaborate explanation he gave me, but I'm so thankful for him and for what he told me. He is very wise and he knows the word; grew up on it basically. In the end he narrowed it down to it being a spiritual drug deal (haha, seriously though). 
When we pray for others, the angels are like ministering spirits God has given us to work on our behalf. Like pretty much they do the work and God does the work through them. We intercede, God sends his angels as messengers. 
If you think about it, without angels, how would our intercession even be effective? How would our prayer get around the world, across pathways?

The idea seemed farfetched to me at first, but I feel like I finally got a revelation of it through this dance. When I prayed about it, found scripture for it and when it all finally came together in the end, it clicked. There's so much I still don't even know. What frustrated me was that I had the idea in my head, but not down in my heart. And now I have both, thanks to God and to my incredible dance team, youth group and youth leaders.

There's still so much to explain, but one can only understand it in their own experience with God revealing to them the prophetic, incredible, intense things that happen when our heart is one with his and when we faithfully trust in him and how things work. As Peewee told me, you can have angels backing you up whenever you want. You just have to believe it. So here's a tidbit of scripture I found.  

^"6 But when He again brings the firstborn into the world, He says:

“Let all the angels of God worship Him.”

⁷ And of the angels He says:

“Who makes His angels spirits
And His ministers a flame of fire.”

⁸ But to the Son He says:

“Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of righteousness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
⁹ You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of gladness more than Your companions.”

¹⁰ And:

“You, Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the earth,
And the heavens are the work of Your hands.
¹¹ They will perish, but You remain;
And they will all grow old like a garment;
¹² Like a cloak You will fold them up,
And they will be changed.
But You are the same,
And Your years will not fail.”

¹³ But to which of the angels has He ever said:

“Sit at My right hand,
Till I make Your enemies Your footstool”?

¹⁴ Are they not all ministering spirits sent forth to minister for those who will inherit salvation?"

 

Hebrews 1:6-14

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders.  
¹² In a loud voice they were saying:

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
    to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
    and honor and glory and praise!”

Revelations 5:11-12

These creatures that sing praises to God night and day in heaven are at our very command. If God created angels to worship him and to serve us, they aren't useless. What could all of this possibly mean? Well a lot of it is unexplainable, because it goes far above our heads. But he'll reveal it to us when we pray about it. He's so faithful :)

God is truly amazing. As always.

Now for some pictures!

Brehia rocks. :)

Yay for our first legit choir!

 These kids are seriously wack.

I am so glad to be a part of this church. It has changed my life and I know it's impacted the lives of others, including the four people that got saved/rededicated this morning. That was our purpose- so people could come to Jesus. Thank you Bill Adcock ministries. Thank you WSCLife and Fusion & On Fire Youth :)

I haven't caught a recording of our drama, but here's the original one done by the Ramp. Enjoy.

Have a lovely week. Seek him in the morning.

-Hannah

Opening up and Sharing your heart with others

Take My Heart by Misty Edwards. (This is really a phenomenal song...)












So many thoughts to pinpoint and try to organize. At least on a blog I can leave them scattered.



I want to start off by saying that this morning turned out a bit differently than I expected, but beautiful nonetheless. I hopped in Emily's car and off to the Slab we went, seeing a beautiful rainbow as we approached the annex. A sign of beauty, promise, and grace. What brought the beauty out this morning even more was listening to everyone open up this morning. I know that sounds cheesey, but some things are very difficult to open up about. Sloan asked us about grace being present in our lives- a time where we saw God's grace on us.
Listening is my favorite part about the Slab. But this morning was a morning I knew what God was encouraging me to share something personal, and I was hesitant and uncomfortable at first, but I shared. I shared about how God's grace broke through in me when I made the decision that I wanted to have his eyes of love for my brother. This was probably the scariest thing I've opened up to a group of people about. As if I uncovered a scar for all to see and told them the story that followed. A feeling of awkwardness and even slight shame of my past misbehavior crept over me, and something that I'm very quiet about being revealed to others made me feel like I was walking around with no clothes on for the first half of the day.


In case you didn't know, I'm going to give you a little insight on my brother. Harry is mildly autistic and functions like a normal person, but he's a little on the slower scale and needs help when it comes to daily routine and direction. He thinks and acts like an 8 year old in an adult's body. His personality is unique and even sweet, but his emotions are very unexpected. He's incredibly smart, and that's why sometimes I forget. Sometimes I treat him like a normal person/normal brother because he is so close to being normal and I'm a little harsher than I mean to be sometimes, and my mom has to remind me to say things differently. And so I learn everyday.

I remember sitting in the new living room with him on a quiet evening. I remember we got to talking about  Father figures in our family. He told me that if he had kids he would be the best dad ever. "I didn't have a good dad," he reminded me. "I guess that's why I don't really understand why God can be my dad."
When my very own brother told me this, I felt torn apart inside. It was at that point when he opened up to me that I realized that I've been around my brother all of my life and he seemed to have so many doubts about who God is because he never had a real father figure of his own. He didn't know what a Father figure even was. He didn't even know what the love of a father looked or felt like. And I knew that he certainly wouldn't see the love of God if I didn't love him with the love of God. I went back in my bedroom that night and I made the decision. I decided that I would be a better sister to a brother who didn't understand the love of the Father. I made the decision that I would love him, regardless of what he says or does, with the unconditional love of God and with the best love a sister could give, because unless I showed him the love of God, he wouldn't understand it. I made a change that night and I remember it now.

Harry has a guy that works with him every day named Dontay. I think I can officially say that Dontay is considered an adopted brother to us now. He's gotten really close to our family. You see, Dontay and I always have deep conversations when I tend to hang out with him and Harry after I get home from school every day. The other day it was about being yourself around people. After telling him that I loved to open up and share my God-experiences with others, he nodded, then said, "Yes, you open up with others and readily share your faith, love and past experiences with them, but do you share who you are on the inside?"
I didn't know how to answer then, and covered it up with a statement like "But those are the same thing,"
But now I have a real answer. No.
 No because of having opened up to people in the past and getting hurt over and over again. No because of what I felt this morning and how scared I was to open up about something that not many people knew about me, even if it wasn't that big of a deal. It was worse than the adrenaline rush I got when I first sang in front of a large group of people by myself. It was all me, some bitter and even numb feelings that I was guilty of, and something that people didn't expect from me but now know about me, even if it makes me feel  a little naked. (haha)
Nevertheless, God showed me tonight that this is the testimony. This is how to bond with people and reach out to others- share my heart with others, and not just my testimony, but something on the inside that I was scared to share at first but that changed the course of my day.

Perhapse it will change a life or inspire someone.

:)

Sharing much needed wisdom from a friend.

I was talking to a girl named Joy Marcum the other night. I met her at ATC this past summer and what she told me that night seriously changed the course of my week. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. Even when I'm not sitting with my eyes closed listening for his voice, he speaks through others. He's amazing. When I see people like Joy and another girl I met at ATC named Liv, and quite a few others, I want to know what God has put inside of them that made them that much in love with him, because I want to be in love with God that way. I want to desire it and pursue it with all of my heart. They live a wholehearted lifestyle dedicated to worshipping at the feet of Jesus and it's the most radical and real thing to see in a person; watching them be transformed every day by his love. I constantly pray and ask God for that desire all the time, especially after seeing people with such a fire and heat after him. When I said those words, I didn't say them lightly, and now when I'm reminded of what I asked, I remember that the desire is not light, but it is costly.

What Joy reminded me the other night was of the heart that Jeremiah had toward God. This is what she told me.



"God made us to walk in friendship with one another, so seek to to do that. But ultimately he made us for himself. We can't look to others to fill what only he can.

"When I discovered your words, I devoured them. They are my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God of Heaven's Armies. I never joined the people in their merry feasts. I sat alone because your hand was on me. I was filled with indignation at their sins." 
Jeremiah 15:16-17


"When I was going through this process of having to leave behind friendships God spoke this verse to me. I picture Jeremiah as if he were in high school... haha. And all the kids are bustling around and sitting together and laughing and having and "good ol time" talking about wrong things, and there is Jeremiah... all alone... with his bible... weeping over the word. His love for truth and desire to be the friend of God caused him to have to give up friendships with those who did not love the truth.
He was marked by God, set apart.

That is a glorious thing, to be chosen to be the friend of God, but it comes at a high cost."




I couldn't explain it in any better terms than how Joy explained it to me. Every person has the ability to be a friend of God, but the truth is that closer we get to him, the farther we get from the popular culture, and the farther we stray from acceptance of man. Although we like acceptance among people, would we rather have the acceptance of man over the love of the eternal God; the only one who can eternally satisfy your heart? It can be a lonely road sometimes and it is a high cost, but it should not be filled with fear of failure or loneliness. He isn't going to leave us hanging. He's going to send us the "cloud of witnesses" in Hebrews 12- the people to cheer us on and give us sound wisdom and encouragement and love. He will give us good friendships and he will supply us with our needs when we trust him. It's so important to be marked with the seal of love for God, and it is a decision and a marking that cannot be taken away or replaced. His glory, the justice for people, and his love is our reward.



Song of the day: Divine Romance by Phil Wickham. (If I posted this already, it just deserved a second dedication. It's such a great song.)

I have another friend that is moving away by the end of this month. Praying for the best for her and her family. She's really sweet and deserves all the blessings God has in store for her.

I choose to trust God because he knows what's best more than I do.


Have a blessed week, guys.
                                     -Hannah