He's alive, now I'm alive

A few nights ago I was in my closet and found a folder in my childhood backpack... The following is an excerpt from the folder I had when I was in the 6th grade.


"There are so many thoughts whirling around in my head right now. I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start off here...
Ever since I turned 11, my life became worse than I'd ever imagined before. Mainly ever since I entered 6th grade. We have a group of rejects in my grade... I hang out with them because I'm rejected, too...
Some non-rejects will come up to me and say hi or just be nice or whatever but most of the time it isn't like that. Me, Nicholas Emerton, Ethan Jones, Levi Martin, Ora Mintlow, Savannah Cates and Jase Bumpus... we tend to stay away from other people
We're not completely rejected but we group together...
I'm worried about the future a lot. Like I said in the beginning, since turning 11 everything has changed. When I was younger I was a weird, happy, normal kid. And then I wake up to be this confused, sad, put-down person that everyone hates... It feels like I'm so misunderstood and broken. Nobody loves me.
This is another thing to figure out- there has to be a bigger purpose in life. There are many questions here un-answered, but they can't stay that way. I have to answer them, figure them out on my own... but I can't do it alone. I want God to send me a dream... maybe he will if he's still listening.
I wonder how I'll survive. Most people thing suicide is the answer. I don't think it's the answer but sometimes I wish it could all just end. A lot of people think drugs and sex will fix everything, but it doesn't! There must be another way, and I have to figure it out! I'll go til the world's end to find out why I'm here and if I even have a purpose.
"

Along with this journal page there were old song lyrics I used to listen to and write down. All of this combined sucked me into the past of who I used to be and where I tried to find my identity. I wanted to know who I was. I felt so scared and lost and depressed like nobody loved me, suffering through anxiety and panick attacks and lonliness, but there was something that God himself sparked on the inside of me as a desire to find purpose in life.

My 7th grade year is when I told my sister Angie and Billy "I want to go to church." I didn't know why. I didn't like church. I got bored and thought nobody liked me, but I wanted to go. I was sick of being lonely. I wanted to find other people. I searched for help, for love before it was too late.

It was in that short time that I met or re-acquaintance myself with Jenelle (Solorio) Chandler, Rachel Holbrook, Theo Savoy, Lindsay Frierson, Bruce Somerville, Michael Solorio, Derek Chandler, Bekah Chandler, Cayli Luttrell, Hannah Hazard, Joy Frierson and a few others.
I looked up to teenagers, really admired them, and here I was surrounded by more of them than I ever had been around before! I thought, "If I speak to them they might think I'm weird or might not like me. They might be like the kids in school and pick on me or make fun of me or tell me nobody likes me." I remember my first couple of Wednesdays I would sit by myself because I was afraid to talk to anyone. I felt so awkward and shy that I wanted to hide myself because I thought everyone would hate me.
OH but the LOVE of God on them... it was so thick and tangible. They had something that I so desired. I wanted the love of God. I wanted the holy spirit living on the inside of me. I wanted his presence. I didn't know what it was but I was destined to search to the ends of the earth to find it before I was sucked into the dark void of normality and the mundane lifestyle of broken-ness, hatred and captivity.
I was slowly breaking free, opening up, and was completely set free and filled with the holy spirit at Winter Ramp 2008. I crying out to Jesus. I remember lifting my hands up when everything fell quiet in my mind. I heard the chains break and my spirit soar higher than I'd ever imagined. I felt so pure. I knew I'd never be the same. And I knew I found my purpose in life.
To pursue God and run the race set before me with endurance... and to inspire & ignite others along the way.



To anyone who reads this that was part of the Fore Runner group...
I want to thank you for inspiring me and for loving me when I thought nobody did.
I'll never be the same and I know my purpose is to make his voice known among the earth.
I love On Fire Youth.
I love Word and Spirit Church.
I love my prayer group.
More than they could ever imagine.
It was because of God and because of the love of God they showed to everyone that I was literally transformed from one thing to another.

I remember that Face Night. January 24th, 2009. We had a worship night in the church office for the youth group and other members of the church invited. Not a big group, however not too long and we broke out into an intercession meeting. Billy and Derek prayed for everyone. Cayli gave a testimony. People got drunk in the spirit, rolled in the floor, cried out to Jesus, danced, were filled with the spirit. An Acts prayer meeting.
I remember Lindsay, Theo and Cayli laying hands on me and praying in the spirit, Theo prophecying over me and telling me that the light of God will shine on me wherever I go and people will see it. Manifestations of the holy spirit. Signs and Wonders revealed...

And the same thing happened last month.
Except I was one of the Fore Runners.


This is why I am alive... it's what I live for.


He's Alive, now I'm alive.

Stuck in the Gap.

This is one of the first posts I've posted in a while that is slightly off topic to the rest of my blog. But ah well, here goes nothing!

Sometimes it's just flat out frustrating being stuck between the gap of childhood and adulthood. I'm not complaining, and most of the time it can be fun. But it has it's annoying quirks...

Inconveniences





Propriety.
Adults occasionally expect too much out of us. Like when we make a joke [and I mean jokes as in not perverted or racist or anything like that] we get yelled at because it isn't "proper". First of all, who decided that what was proper? I'm not saying we should be rebellious, but for real. Chill out! Take a joke!

Then there are the times we get yelled at for saying something we didn't mean or when people take things the wrong way and you didn't even do or say anything to them to trigger such a thought!
Foot in mouth disease, we've all had it.
Sometimes there is no excuse as to why someone would say something whether or not they meant it, but there are those times...
Relax. Chill. Give it a break.

I want responsibility and I want respect, but I have to have an image to get it? No thanks!

Who created images anyway? Stereotypes? NOT cool.

Janice and George are close friends so they must be boyfriend and girlfriend or they must like eachother.

Tom is an adult and went into Kim's house by himself, so they must be up to doing things that are no good! Hey, somebody go over there and yell at one of them!

Bob the freshman hangs out with the seniors, therefore he must be the tag-along and he must think he's too good to hang around people his own age.


Boundaries and Limitations.

I suppose if they didn't exist then the world wouldn't make sense... but sometimes they just get too edgy... get anywhere near the boundary and the table is thrown over.
Talk about improper etiquette...

It's either black or white.
Either you're an adult who can handle responsibility or a child who can't.
Either you're potty trained or you're not.
Either you're old enough to be proper, say all of the right things, act all of the right ways, be of the best and most perfect grace and elegance or you're too young to handle anything like that, therefore being dismissed by... well... anyone older than you.

I guess if I want responsibility that's what it will take. I don't like it. In fact, it would much rather be convenient if propriety didn't exist and if... I guess some kinds of adults could just get over themselves and not jump on people for doing what they want to do.
It would also be nice if I could just skip classes I didn't like next year and ignore teachers who get angry easily!

But convenience isn't everything.


Just something to think about.


Have a blessed week guys!

-Hannah Adkins

[Awakening the Normality Factor]

A God-Summer's dream

I am so appreciative of what God's blessed me with in life in the end no matter what.

I've grown to appreciate a lot of things over the past few months...


This past week I went to my church's youth camp. Every year we spend about 6 days in a ampsite park, Cedars of Lebanon, where we stay in cabins, use an assembly hall for prayer, worship and gathering, swim in a pool, occasionally hike, take walks and horseback ride.
This camp was interesting for sure... I want to say more interesting than the other two I've been to... My first year at camp was full of newness and learning, and there was about 30 people at that one. The second year was full of experience, new places and spiritual discipline. This year was full of manifestation, revelation and relaxation and there was only about 20 people. A new place for sure and spiritually one of the best camps. We spent a lot of time chilling out and having fun, but we, FOR SURE, had prayer time and glorious manifestations...



This was our Wednesday afternoon prayer meeting... can't see everyone but the majority was gathered ALL praying together, even the younger ones that recently came to youth at 11 and 12 years old. It was so good... God moved so much and many hearts were set free and chains broke. Cutters were set free. Depression was broken. People who felt swallowed into a dark place surfaced and are continuing to do so. God is just so amazing!

The tall young man with the microphone and casted leg is Theo. He was the one who spoke about prayer and layed hands on us pray for us... talk about the glory of God!
God has put a LOT in him as an intercessor and young man of God... He knows a lot of things that many people don't even think of when it comes to prayer and he is definitely full of wisdom. He'll tell everyone "I don't even know what you're talking about!" When they tell him he really knows some things about prayer or has a big future ahead of him, and he acts silly or tries to play it off like he doesn't care what people say, but really he does and he loves Jesus. And God will be doing a lot in him! We love Theo! :)




This was from our time of worship Thursday evening. God moved through prayer powerfully again. This time Bruce is speaking- he's part of our prayer group and God does a lot through him, too. He's a young man pursuing God and he's very talented.


This evening my prayer group got to pray some even though we were missing my sister and Mrs. B (our main youth leader). One of our girls Bekah is going on a trip to Africa in November. God has so many plans for her with such a big future ahead as she travels the mission field and goes to Africa where her heart lies. We prayed for the trip and saw MANY good things in prayer... God will definitely be moving in Niger this November is all I can say... :)



This evening I was able to relax with some of my prayer group friends. God just has a way of putting people together who can spiritually flow and have good friendships... I've learned to love and appreciate each person for who they are no matter what and treat them with love and respect. It isn't all about competition or who can pray the best or who has the best hair or leads the best or whatever, but it's all about us taking OUR place in the center of God's heart and doing what HE'S called us to do! He loves us like we are and has new and GOOD plans for each of us.

We plow our fields and we have one anothers' backs. God has taught us love and how to love one another. This evening was a good time of relaxing, talking about God, having weird conversations, a lot of hair dying, random picture taking and other things. It's good to have great friendships that are fulfilling rather than draining. We spiritually hold one another up in prayer and love one another, so that's what counts!



And sometimes we do weird things when we get bored like compare our hands and feet... I guess weird attracts weird... but God has a weird sense of humor as well. :)

Next week I will be counseling Kid's Camp and am looking forward to a lot of manifestation, movement and growing! I love the WSC kid's ministry!

Hope everyone has a blessed week and remember he loves us.


Awakening the Normality Factor,

Hannah Adkins

A Trip and an Experience...

So much to post in one day!



My dad, Lynn and I took a trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania- home of the amish town and one of the oldest railroads in history.

It's hard to believe they live every day off the land with no electricity... I bet the children would be in culture shock if they moved to New York. It's just so different but it was an experience to remember.
The amish and menonites are very kind, God-fearing people... and their hand crafted materials are amazing.

After exploring some Amish stores and staying the night in a hotel, we went to a restaurant the next morning and before we ate we prayed for the food before eating.
Little did we know that our waitress- a kind, dark and bright eyed young lady with a warm smile had seen us across the room.
After beginning our meal she had come back and told us that it was a blessing to her to see people do that because it's not so often you see anyone pray over meals anymore. We talked for a long time and it turns out that her name was Dianny and that her and her husband were very close with God and that she was praying for boldness to do more things openly that will minister to other people. It was just so awesome getting to have a conversation with out waitress about awesome things that God does and peoples' testimonies.

God definitely knows good timing. :)


After this we went to go see a replica of the Ark of the Covenant from the Old Testament when Moses and the Israelites traveled for 40 years. (If they were smart and would have kept their mouths shut instead of complaining like a bunch of idiots then the journey would have been shortened 39 years and 358 days...)

Anyway the replica wasn't ginormous but it was pretty good-sized and really brought the old testament to life in a way...

It's so different how they did things back before Jesus came and died for us. EVERYTHING had to be a done an exact way or else they would either get killed or it wouldn't work right... The part that fascinated me the most was the place inside the temple behind the curtain.

Inside the temple was an entrance, then there was a table that the priests ate the bread off of weekly, and there was also a lampstand with 7 wicks and a bottle of olive oil. There was also a sacrifice thing. But behind that was a large, woolen, tall veil that separated that section of the temple from a little section in the back. There were windows where we could peek in to see what it was...

And this is what it looked like.




(I snuck in a little picture even though we weren't allowed to have cameras.... shh! ;)

It's called the place of "The Holy of Holies" and in between the two arching angel-like statures was the very presence of God.
The smoke that came OUT of the Ark was also a cloud that signified God. And whenever the cloud moved, it was God telling the people that it was time to move. So they followed the cloud wherever it went!

It was a GLORY cloud!

And the presence of God was IN the temple!

We are SO privlidged nowdays... because since Jesus died and rose again and took on all of the sins of the world, our body IS our temple and the very presence and God dwells within us when we give our life to him!
Isn't that amazing to think of?
The glory in the old testament dwelling in the temple sitting in between the two angels WAS God.
The glory was so magifiscent that anyone who entered who wasn't appointed to would die.

THAT lives inside of me.

And it lives inside of anyone who has the holy spirit living with in them- who has Jesus in their heart. Who is saved.

THAT is what amazes me!


I also hopped on my first train ride today... a very interesting experience. :) I love Pennsylvania!



But I can't wait to go home.


Good night everyone. Have a blessed and safe weekend. :)

5 more days

It's been fun here in Baltimore for the past few weeks. I'm looking forward to going home and then to youth camp, kids camp and finishing up this busy summer finally going into my sophomore year... However, I don't look forward to goodbyes. I'll definitely miss everyone here as I always do... no one said I couldn't have two homes though... :)

I know this isn't related to much of anything on my blog but I think I'm adjusting my wardrobe. I need to get out of the plad phase (which probably isn't happening anytime soon) but I'm looking more into a chill look. Not a hippie or full out bohemian look but you know... the messenger bags, sperrys, burrets, the woven anklets and bracelet things, a lot of chill ways, not necessarily the whole "peace" look but sort of leaning that way. I'm not a hippie. I just like this idea! My punk phase was fun, and that part of me I will never lose (hence the teal hair, but that's chill too). I'm growing so my tastes are also growing.
If the phrase "acoustic" was considered a style, this would be it.
It won't be a drastic difference but gradually it may.
I wish I had some pictures. Couldn't find any.

Anyway, enough about that.



I talked to a friend from school who wants to recruit other students to get together a morning bible study devotional thing... I'm REALLY excited! A lot of students want to do it. If we do this in the mornings it will be like the book of Acts when the disciples went out and preached the gospel in the open places. People will get curious and wonder what we're doing. Students will get saved and lives will change... this is going to be big. I expect the holy spirit to move :)
We may be faced with Persecution and people may try to battle this, but we'll stand strong, and God will provide a way. He's faithful to the end.

This song has been on my spirit all week :) It's originally by Tim Reimherr but Audra, Jessica Barron and I believe Marcus Meir sang it at the Onething Conference in Nashville this past year...



Have a blessed week. Love goes out to all.