Junior Year: a time of endurance and climax.

Here's the new season. I start my Junior year tomorrow (a little earlier than others since I have to participate in a yearbook staff meeting and work Open House).

This I know for sure. I'm not the same person I was two months ago. And by the end of this school year, I will not be the same person I am now.

I'm ready to face these challenges now. Yesterday was not a very happy day for me.

Me: I'm not even ready for school. Usually I'm excited to go back, because it's like my mission field, but this year I dread it. I wish that it would stay summer forever. At this point I'll just stay home schooled if I have to. I don't want to go back. I don't want to be around people.

 

 Joey: Now look Hannah, here's the deal. God put you in that school for a reason and you've got to jump back in the game. Keep enduring the race. Right before the breakthrough in a race is when everyone wants to give up, but you've got to keep pushing and keep going. This is your year and you're going to see souls saved. Everything you've prayed and worked hard for has lead up to now.

As I was going through my emotions and tears, I finally sat down at the feet of Jesus in the night and was able to pray and re-cooperate properly. I remembered that instead of talking the entire time, it was time to listen. So as I lay on the floor while my music was playing, God dealt with me, and dealt with my pained heart.

So, out of prayer, this is what I got. This year is a year of consecration. This is the year of breakthrough at Oakland High School. Everything that I prayed for since the summer before my freshman year has lead up until now, but it isn't over yet. I still have running to do. This is when I have to break into my full sprint at the last quarter mile. I'm preparing to sprint and run my hardest. This means throwing off what I don't need so that I can run faster, taking in what I need so that it will be beneficial while I run. This means soaking in God's presence more and reading the word more. This means setting time aside every day for him and for playing my keyboard and singing to him. This means achieving more in academics and pushing the hardest. This means going out in search for a job. This means striving for success and watching as it comes forward. This is a year of reaping the harvest and sowing again.

I'm ready. Everything has a build, a climax. So bring it on.  

Junior year, here's my all.

A Life-changing Weekend.

Our middle school group at WSC ((plus Hannah Hazard and I) took an adventure to Summer Awakening 2 at the Ramp in Hamilton, Alabama. It ended with us singing The Anthem with Jake Hamilton of Jesus Culture, jumping around like crazy and singing praises to God after a busy 3 days of losing our voices, praying, worshiping, listening to testimonies from Chosen and even an evening session with Corey Russell of IHOP, and getting baptized in a river.

From my first trip to the Ramp when I was thirteen up until now, I will always say that this is a place where they welcome the presence of God. And it's amazing. :)

Honestly, I had a concept of water baptism before this trip, but I never really understood the spiritual meaning to it. I just knew that it was an outward representation of "washing away your sins", or so I thought.

I haven't seen water baptism as sketchy, necessarily, because Jesus was baptized and the bible does discuss it. But other than spiritual baptism, I never really saw the point. What does it really mean? To be prayed for, to make the decision, then to go under the water an old person, to leave who you are behind in the water and to come back up a completely new person?

It runs deeper than just being dipped into water. You're leaving your past behind in a spiritual way and in an outward way. And as this is an outward representation, a spiritual transformation is occuring as well. God is looking down on us and saying, "This is my son/daughter, in whom I am well pleased." 

He wants to do big things in us. And although water baptism doesn't save you, I've realized it's value. And it took me the third time to really understand it.

 

 Talk about getting down in the creek.

All I remember is that as we trekked down the path that lead to the river, I could feel the very presence of the holy spirit calling me forward. I could hear the music playing. I could hear the voices of hundreds of people being lifted to God.  I could hear the sound of hearts changing and encounters with God. They were crying out for a transformation.

As I stepped into the cool water, I couldn't help but to just pray in the spirit. It was overwhelming, a spiritual heaviness that I won't forget as the leaders layed hands on us and prayed for a moment in the spirit, then baptized us in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I went under the water with tears streaming down my face and came back up the same. I just prayed in the spirit for the next hour or so and cried wrapped in my towel sitting in the grass. I will never forget the day God touched our heart in this fashion, as he will continue to do for eternity.

I feel like our middle schoolers really had some intense face to face encounters with God, and my sister and I didn't even show up until the end of the Friday night service (unfortunately, we missed Corey Russel... but that's okay, we can always catch him again soon.) On the way back to the Boro, we even had a prayer meeting in the van. We prayed for people we knew were lost and discussed what God had done in us personally and what we're going to do once we get home. We don't want to be on fire for like a week after Ramp and then go back into the same mess again... it's time for consistency and a lasting impact!

So I say this to anyone who asks- STAY CONSISTENT!

Stacey from Chosen told us to get obsessed with the word and to seek his face every single day! It means turning on some worship music, opening the bible and singing to God and praying in our bedrooms at night. It means praying for your friends and family and school. It means taking time away from your video game, TV, computer, cell phone, and friends and going to those boring Monday night prayer meetings at church. It takes work, and it isn't easy, but it's worth every step of the way. So get some accountability partners and some friends that are willing to back you up and pray with you and move! Consistency means diligence, and it means effort. 

So, I end this blog post with prayer. Thank you God for a life-changing summer in our lives. Thank you for On Fire middle schoolers at WSC and your presence filling their lives every single day. Thank you for revealing your beauty and love to them so that they may share it with others. Thank you God for a love that's real and a love that prevails, that we may seek it every day for the rest of our lives and for all eternity. You're worthy, Jesus. You're amazing.

Amen.

What Greater Purpose is There in Life?

What greater purpose is there in life than to sit at the feet of Jesus and worship him? To behold the beauty of in his throne room, in his presence, and to be loved by him for all of eternity. This is the eternal drive, and our eternal purpose- to behold the beauty of Jesus and who he is. To dwell in his presence.

When I was at Awakening Teen Camp, there was this girl on my worship team named Liv. She was one of the 20ish people who was with the Worship and Prayer Intensive group (a seven week summer program for young musicians) and she's a bassist. After one of our smaller seminars, a prayer meeting broke out, and the Lord lead me to pray with her as she prayed with two other girls. When I joined her in prayer, I can't even say exactly what it was, but all that comes to my mind is the anointing, holiness and consecration of God was on her. I felt like I recognized it, almost, and I asked God in my heart "What is that?" Everytime I saw her it was like the anointing of Jesus was on her. After leaving camp, I was texting her and asked if she would share her testimony with me, and I want to share it with others.

"I've lived here [Kansas City] all my life and I have been at IHOP before it even started. I have always loved the Lord. When I was really young, there was this kid that was really mean to me and I'd see him every day. My wise mother told me to pray for him and that's what I did. I spent long hours before the feet of Jesus talking to Him and listening to Him. He became my best friend. I spent a lot of time alone with Him because I didn't have very many friends because I was home-schooled and you can only stand to be with your annoying brothers so much and I'd only see my friends at church on Sundays. So as I grew older, this kid that was mean to me only got worse, But I continued to pray. I prayed for him for ten years before I saw breakthrough. One day I saw him and he was a completely new person. He was so on fire with the love of the Lord, he was so full of light, and he was so sorry for the way he treated me. So that's how my prayer life started. My relationship with Jesus really took on a new depth when my best friend died when I was 14. I ran straight into the arms of Christ. He was my comforter and my stronghold. He was so real and near me during that year and the year after when my dear cousin died. When my friend died, a lot of my other friends turned away from God and I lost touch with them, so I'd spend my time with the Holy Spirit. I've always loved to worship. I don't remember a day when we couldn't worship. Before I could play bass my mom would have us dance and worship to music. When I was about 10 I picked up the bass and loved it ever since. I am a lovesick worshipper of Jesus and I long for his return. He is my Beloved and my Friend. I am living for eternity. He is always on my mind and it's not okay that he's not here. I want him to come back so badly. If he doesn't fill me up every day I'd die. He is the lover of my soul. He is so real to me and I'll give my life up for him. I'll do whatever he wants me to do because I love him so. Life is pointless is he's not at the center...."

After I read this for the second time, I found myself with tears streaming down my face and on my knees asking God for a deeper love for him and just crying out for his presence to fill me.

What other point of life is there than to pursue a love so deep every single day and to reach out to others? How can such a burning love for Jesus become so cold in the time we live in now? How can our love grow cold when it's so readily available for us to receive when we just open up our hearts to him on a daily basis?

The truth of the matter is that it does.

 Some may say "That's too extreme! That's too violent! That's crazy! That's weird!" But have you truly encountered a supernatural love that took your entire past mistakes, failures and screwups and made you a new person? Have you encountered the sincere love of Jesus in his presence through the holy spirit? How real is it to you, and how real could it become?

I want his love to be more real to me than the very ground I stand on!

We so often spend our time worrying and concerned about tomorrow and what our circumstances are and our jobs and school and work and by the end of the day we've pushed the Lord down to the last thing on our list! I'm guilty of it myself, and I'm ready to stop! I'm ready to lay the lesser things aside. I'm 16 and there's so much I could occupy my time with, but I'm done with being like everyone else. I'm ready to lay aside extra-cirricular activities, my electronics, my materials, and entertainment in order to be face to face with the one, true living God, because it's the only thing that matters in the end and it matters today and now in this very hour.

To be fascinated the beauty of the living God and his holiness and love is the greatest pleasure there is now and in the age to come. It's our primary purpose. I will not lose hold of it this year, and I won't lose hold of it again.

It's time to take on a new challenge. So that in the famines of God's presence, in the floods of persecution, and in the comfort of the culture, his love is still real to me.

Awakening Teen Camp Music Academy- A Journey I will never forget.

You can only soak up so much in such a short amount of time, they say. All I can say at this point is that I really miss Kansas City. I miss spending 2 hours in the prayer room every morning. I miss singing and worshiping God pretty much the entire day except when we're in seminars, workshops or eating. I miss the way someone would start to sing a song, then someone else would add a beat, then someone else would add guitar and before you knew it you had your very own worship set going as you waited outside for the bus. I miss singing the word with my counselor group and getting lost in God's presence in the corner of the IHOPU cafe during small group time.

At the same time, I'm glad to be home. It's a very good, different, yet odd feeling being around 200 people that are very similar to you. I didn't know how to react at first, and the first two days were very rough for me. I remember thinking "Someone get me out of here! I want to go home now!" It's scary not really knowing anyone around you and not knowing what's happening or what the schedule is, especially when you're borderline introvert and not used to things being high-energy and haywire. But once you get the hang of it and stick around, faces become more familiar to you. Schedules become easier to follow. Prophetic worship and singing become like walking.

I know in my heart that the Lord put the right counselor and small group in my path, too. I even prayed for them before I got to ATC, and I know we were in eachother's paths by grace. The similarity of our pasts were almost scary, but in the end we were drawn closer. I love my small group so much... and I dearly miss them. :)

I remember first going into the small set room with my worship team and putting my headphones on, adjusting my monitor and just waiting on the lord. I opened my bible and sat it on my music stand, becoming more relaxed and jumping into the flow of worship with the other prophetic singers and musicians on the set. After a few moments of adjusting, it was as if we took off. We sang "Better is One Day" and "Taste and See" and other songs on the three one-hour sets we did that week, then entered into intercession and began singing in the spirit. Honestly, It was as if God took me and poured his heart and his desires into my mouth. I became his instrument of prophecy and worship. And I just sang his heart...

Within the past ten days, I've discovered that I know what I need to do now. I know I'm called to prophetic music, songwriting and singing. How, when, or where? I'm not sure what all the points are right now. But I know that as a lover of God, I have a bedroom with a door and an open bible ontop of my keyboard, and that's where I begin. Devotion is so important. And as the summer continues and comes to a close soon, it's my job (our job as Christians as well) to spend time in that simple devotion and continue with it. Waiting on the Lord and dining in his presence. What else can satisfy our hearts? Nothing.

And so I have new challenges for myself this year. It's time for me to step up in my walk and increase not only in devotion, but in truth and reality in the words that I say and the actions I make. I want what I say and do to be edifying to the people around me and to myself. I want to love people and love God, and I want to show people what love can be. This is my challenge for junior year... to do and say things that really matter.


I'll be posting more pictures on here from camp later. :)

3 days left

As each minute passes, I somehow wish I could savor each moment.

Hang on to each hug, kind word, every smile and every fulfilling part.

But I feel that each moment passing seems to slip right through my hands. It's here one moment and gone the next. And Unfortunately, we can't buy back and relive time.


Interesting fact I read today on Twitter today- The human mind spends most of its time replaying memories over and over again with the desire to relive some of them.

I wouldn't doubt this to be true.

I wish I could stay a little while longer, and reach out further without doubting myself or doubting the God within me. When I first came here, I worried and I wondered how I could do it all in 28 days. The truth is that I can't.
My love is weak. My ability is small.
And My reach is short.

But with a God so big living on the inside of me, I can reach far. I can love more, and my love is stronger. My capability to do everything I can while I'm here expands beyond my sight.


With a comforting message from the holy spirit, I found that God knows that I can't do it all in 28 days. But with him at my side, I did everything possible in 28 days. And the effect will last longer than I know.



This is all I can say for now. As a portion of this story begins to close, all I can say is that maybe this was the best yet. And the best is yet to come.
I honestly don't know whether to smile or to cry. To mourn or rejoice. But I feel like 28 days was enough. Enough to have an impact, but not enough to get too close.
 I'm saying good-bye to my dad. I'm saying good-bye to my family members. I'm saying good-bye to old friends made over the years before, some newly made friends that God's spoken to me through, and the acquaintances I barely knew.


And along with that, I'm saying good-bye to one of my best friends.
But until then...

Why I do what I do. Why I so Desire to lead Worship.

I remember having the desire, before I lost interest as I grew older and eventually found it again not very long ago. "One day I want to do that," I would tell myself as a child. "That's what I want to be."

"Would everyone please stand as we praise and worship the Lord?"

Worship.

This is where we mix so many different sounds that inspire the ear, and this is where we make a musical sound come out of our very mouths, turning what people see as a "talent" into a way we worship God, and a gateway for his presence to fill the very room we stand in.

As every voice, whether or not each one is in the same key or in tune or perfect, joins in, the very sound of all these voices combined is the most amazing thing in the world, and the most amazing thing to God's ear.

Meanwhile, as the instrumental sounds and vocals mix, and each melody corresponds with the harmony, and how the verses can mix in together and sound beautiful, this is where we come before the throne of God, laying down our worship and praise to him as a sweet fragrance to him as he continually in turn fills us back with this love. This thing we do welcomes in the holy spirit, and suddenly, everyone in the entire room is hearing the exact same thing and experiencing the same emotion from the sound, but encountering God in a different way. Everyone in the place is connected to one another, and to the heart of God when they jump in.

Many people don't see it this way. They're like "Okay, let's just stand up and sing a couple songs then sit down." Boy, are they missing out.

Worship is indescribable because there are so many perspectives in what it does in our hearts.  I can't describe it too well with words.

And in the end I will always say that music was crafted by the hand of God and is amazing.

God put it in my heart, and I love it.
 Not just because of a cool beat or a cool guitar lick or because we can just get a little jive going in the room, but because we have the ability to open up the door of heaven, whether or not we sound good, and let the voice of God fill the room. He speaks to the hearts of people in the room through their own encounters and through the ones pulling the train and leading worship, through words and sounds.

Honestly, I've encountered worship bands where that's all they care about, and it's literally sickening... and then I've heard worship bands that don't exactly sound too amazing, but the presence of God was there and everyone connected, and suddenly it was as if the sound didn't matter anymore because God was welcomed into the room. And that's what matters.



Music doesn't have to just be a cool band or cool sounds.

It can be life-changing.

And that's why I desire to do it. Why I desire to bring it to my school and into my house and out of state and in church and everywhere else. I want to evangelize in everyday life, and I want to evangelize through worship.

Waiting.

All I can do is look ahead. Right here, right now, it feels like nothing too extremely special is happening. I suppose now I can say is my real vacation time. Visiting with family, having fun with my up-north friends, relaxing, having plenty of time to write, gather my thoughts, write, practice on my mini-keyboard until I go to ATC Music Academy and make it last.

Honestly, I wish I could buy more time. I wish I could be in two places at once. I wish I had more time with my dad. And I wish I could take one of my best friends that not too many people at home know about with me back to Tennessee, and show him Murfreesboro, Oakland, Word and Spirit Church, my family, the Greenway, the country, the freedom, and maybe we could fly airplanes and play music and watch Disney movies and listen to Relient K, Hawk Nelson and Jon Thurlow there, then we could go to Music Academy and Fascinate together. 
But the truth is that we can't.... so I guess after I get back I'll have to revert back to text messages, phone calls, letters and maybe even Facetime or Skype. With everyone.


I can't wait to see the prayer room again. It might be crazy that I'm thinking about it now, with two weeks left to go, but I have a feeling that it's going to be so awesome seeing International House of Prayer and Kansas City again. The feeling of thickness as you walk into the 24/7 prayer room. Getting to see people from around the world coming to this small building to encounter the presence of God. Getting teachings from Mike Bickle, Misty Edwards, Jon Thurlow, Laura Hackett and other people themselves (big deal to me!). Playing music with teens while doing crazy camp stuff. The smell of Higher Grounds coffee shop and the bustle as the IHOP residents and college students (or whatever remains of them, anyway, since it's summertime) and highschoolers around the area. Forerunner Fellowship Hall and the conferences going on in there. The feeling of being in a packed-out room, encountering the same God as everyone else in a miraculous and different way. When I went the first time I felt like I was in a different place, but I felt like I was home. Like I somehow belonged here. And I remember, even after only three days back in October, almost crying while we drove away leaving this dream I'd somehow captured in my heart behind.

I'm coming back.