I'm going to write about something I was challenged with yesterday.
I know this sounds kind of odd, but I've been thinking about peer pressure lately. This is the year in high school that everyone gets swamped with going out and partying and getting in trouble, all a part of trying new things. I'm all up for trying new things and being independent and my own person.... but I know that I could never bring myself to do anything like that...
I don't think it makes me better than those people, and I don't judge people who do that stuff, but thinking about it I've come to realize different things...
I'm the youngest person at my job, so I frequently hear about partying and all of the things associated with it. Some say that when they were younger it was the best because they were always sneaking out and getting in trouble. I kinda just stand there. There isn't much that I can say because I haven't done any those things. I'm not going to be the jerk who sticks their nose up in the air and turns their back on those people because they disagree with their actions, because I want to be open to everyone so that I can reach out and touch their hearts. This may sound stupid, but I even began to question myself. I don't want to seem like the boring one around people because I never go out and have fun. I do have fun in ways that I feel is worth it. I've never tried anything. I've never tried getting in trouble or smoking pot of playing around with sex like most other people my age. Why not? Why do people find enjoyment in these things, and why are they seen as wrong to do? Why haven't I done anything? Why can't I start?
So I thought about this for a long time, and the longer I thought about it, the more I realized how much I can't give in to much of anything...
I am going to be honest with all of you, even though it may make me look like a weakling. Think what you want of me, I don't care.
The second I tell a lie, the guilt seriously sinks into my heart and will remain until I ask God for forgiveness and tell the truth. The moment I start arguing with my mom or the second I say things that I don't mean to her and turn around and go in my room, it hurts until I apologize and try to fix it. The moment I tried to date someone without my mom's permission or God's permission, the guilt ate away at me for weeks on end until that relationship was cut off.
I know that if I were to do something that is blatant disobedience to God, It would cut off my relationship with him. And the second that would happen, I would probably just... I don't know, wither up and die. Seriously.
I can't trade the encounters I've had with him and his love for what people see as fun. I can't live in the moment when I've caught a glimpse of eternity and holiness. I can't trade my passion to serve such an overwhelmingly beautiful God and who pours his love and blessings on me forever as I serve him for the shiny and fun things the world has to offer... I can't. If anyone would try holding up a blunt in front of my face telling me to have some fun and try it, the initial impulse and question would be "Why not?" but in the back of my mind, the pain of tearing a relationship with a God so awesome and heart-moving would make me turn around and walk away.
I've spent too many long hours before his face to want anything else...
I don't want anything else. I have no desire to lose him. I've become completely wrecked for anything else than living for him.
I used to see people just like this, and I wanted it so bad. I wanted to encounter a love so deep that I wouldn't want anything else, because I used to live for myself. I've given into some things that weren't right in my past, but I took the route of Change.
So I sat before the feet of him and cried and worshiped in those conferences and in our church sanctuary and even in my bedroom, and asked him for it. And he gave it to me. And if there's anyone else out there who is sick of living for themselves and who wants to be marked with the loving presence of God, you can have it. It may be costly, but it's worth every second in his loving presence. It's worth every moment being eternally satisfied and fulfilled. You won't have to search endlessly for fulfillment. And if you've messed around with things, it's not too late for you, and it never will be. You will forever and always have a God with open and loving arms ready to embrace you. He loves you no matter what you've done, thought, or seen. But in order to really have him, he wants you first. He wants your desires, your possessions, your time, and he wants you...
Do you really want Him?
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