Exhausted.

One song I've listened to a lot this week while packing has been Keep Your Eyes Open by NeedToBreathe...



This week has been... well, more rough than most weeks. I'd rather have been in school than at home dealing with things that I would have rather not dealt with. 5 people in a 2 bedroom house for a few days while we attempt to pack and move is harder than it sounds or looks. (if you don't believe me, you try it out and see how it works for you.)

The truth is for so long I was used to things being quiet with my mom. Just the two of us sharing one house, talking when I came home from school, sharing household chores, limited conversations because of our somewhat introverted personalities. Once my brother moved back in, most of that seemed to evaporate instantly, and when my other young siblings are forced from other circumstances to stay for a few days or even weeks at a time it makes things even less peaceful, as much as I love them. I am uncomfortable. But sometimes when you love people, you have to get over your discomfort and put them first. It's called selfless service. And while the entire world is pushing at you from every direction, telling you you're a screw up or that you're not wanted, which are thoughts in your own mind that eventually turn into things that sound like "No one wants you" I realize that it's time to block other people out. Whether it is someone you love or someone you hardly know throwing things at you, sometimes you have to choose to throw it off and keep going. Selfish and stuck up is the one thing in the entire world that I never want to become, out of anything else. Yet it's my worst enemy, and sometimes it nails me in the head. It's something that I've conquered and am determined to sit on top of for the rest of my life.

I'm not perfect, and I never will be. I can't fix other people, and I can't fix their flaws. 


That is not a lie. It is not a doubt, and it is not fictional. It's as non-fictional and the naked truth, however others may look at it.
But prayer is what I can do. Jesus Christ conquered for us. So we're conquerers. We're over-comers. We can over-come our own flaws and mishaps, and can help and encourage others to do so.

I want this season to end, now. I want to pack up and get everything moved into the next house. I want to set up my new room, put all my posters back on my wall, and leave for the summer, back to Maryland and eventually to Kansas City, then I want to come back home and find a job or volunteer place while going back to school. While things will never be the same as they were, I just want a new season. It's time to close this chapter. And it's closing this week.

Things I've learned this Week and what I still need to work on:

*Put others first and yourself last
*Prayer and love are the ultimate life-changing remedies
*Seasons change and are here for a time
*Cast off others' opinions and focus on God's

The message of Comfort (and a weekend re-cap)

Re-cap of life on the spot

Sat with these kids at the yardsale Saturday. Middle schoolers are tolerable when they aren't running around and screaming. 

Had an awesome worship service Sunday with these guys pulling the train

 

Sat next to this loser at church (Theo, my prayer brother)

Partied with these guys afterward

Had a choir party Monday (wish I would have gotten some pictures of that, had some pretty funny moments)

Hung with these guys at the yearbook meeting

These little ones (Maddie and Lizzie) both took their first steps last week… so proud of them :)

Packed my first few boxes yesterday. I’m not really liking any of this moving stuff. It’s a bit much (although I’ve only packed like three boxes so far). In fact, my nonsense pictures and plaques and paintings and scriptures and license plates are coming down off my walls after everything else is gone. I can’t stand seeing my walls blank. It makes everything feel too empty…

Tonight while cleaning out my school binder to store in a box as more memorabilia, I was listening to a Misty Edwards sermon from an IHOP conference that happened some time ago. Really I listen to it frequently when my iPod is on shuffle, but I get a new revelation from it everytime I hear it.

 At one point after really digging in on prophetic things written in Isaiah, she started talking about the time the earth is living in right now. Honestly, I can say things may seem to be okay at times, but really underneath of it all, they aren’t. Right now there are people dying every day who are going to hell, or people getting drunk in bars or cutting themselves or committing suicide or sitting in their room depressed at night and it’s all from a feeling of emptiness and not being wanted and it happens right here in this small town, Murfreesboro, and it happens to people in my school. As people God created, he made us with the desire in our hearts to feel wanted and loved. Without that need met in our hearts, we get empty and depressed. Without knowing that we serve a God who really enjoys us, we stay awake at night with worries about what other people think about us and how they can satisfy us and fix us. And perhaps in this life time we will face struggles what we don’t know we can handle. While the dark gets darker, the light will get lighter. Black will be separated from light. Gray areas will no longer exist. But even as these things get harder, Luke 18 asks this: will God really find faithfulness in his people on the earth when justice is brought fourth? Will he find faithfulness in us? It could be easy for a Christian reading this now to say Yes, but are we just saying it?

When we’re staying steadfast in the word of God, connected to the body of Christ, serving, giving and filling up in his presence, we’re equipped. But when we’re not staying equipped, it’s just much easier to fall away. At prayer last night my youth leader was talking about a cry being written in the heart of our generation. As we began to pray, I realized that the cry of our generation has to be united and it has to be the cry of God’s heart. One cry. 

This is how revival sparks. In America, in the nations, in Oakland high school.

When our hearts unite for a specific purpose and it’s one goal, one cry,

Then revival is here. 

We can’t force revival to happen. It has to follow.

It follows when we get personal with people, both people who want to serve God and give love and people who are in sin or think they’re worthless or unwanted.

It follows when we reach out to the hurt and say “I understand, and I know who can help you right now. I know how can heal you. It won’t go on much longer, and it’s going to end. There is a comforter and he’s here, right now.”

This is the message of comfort.

 Not that it isn’t going to happen, but that it’s going to pass over, and that Jesus Christ is here to hold us.

Have a good week to all who is reading this. If you know any good blogs I should read, share them with me. :)

The Conclusion of a Sophomore Year

A few things I’ve Learned this year:

-trying new things doesn’t mean that the enjoyment we get in them will last forever, although the skill may.

-Don’t base your choices in life off of what other people think. Do what you want to do and make it worth while.

-Don’t waste your time doing things you don’t have some use or passion for.

-Always make a legitimate plan for what you’re going to do after high school instead of just winging it.

-Just because everyone around you decides to be content with lack of money doesn’t mean you have to be. In other words, God wants us to prosper and that’s just the truth. 

-When we’re fully trusting in God and relying on him at all times, he’ll stay faithful to his promises. Always.

-Don’t run after boys and pursue relationships if it isn't the time.

-Friendships come and go. We can’t solely rely on them, either.

-Communication and Connection is a vital thing in high school

-People make mistakes and you will never find perfection and high expectation in man.

-Nothing can replace the love of God. Even when we try and search for satisfaction in other people or possessions, his love is the only thing that can really satisfy our hearts.

-Make a stand for what’s right, even if it costs you time, friendships and reputation. Even if people might call you names. Because what people get out of it is all that matters in the end.

Things I’m looking forward to over the summer:

-New Friends (hopefully)

-Leaving the city in 3 weeks to go to Maryland

-Getting to see my dad, my mamaw and some more family

-Getting to see Joey Franz. I miss that kid.

-Going to Edgemere Church of God while I’m there.

-Going to a beach somewhere… at some point…

-Going to Awakening Teen Camp for 25 days in Kansas City

-Hopefully getting to meet Jon Thurlow and James Kufeldt while I’m there

-More music and worship team experience

-More love encounters with Jesus.

Things I’m NOT looking forward to over the summer:

-Meeting too many new people and getting uncomfortable with it

-Moving. Yes, within the next two weeks I’m moving over by Sports Com. Scary, uncomfortable, but needs to happen.

-Missing my friends and family

-being away from home too long

-Not having my social networking for 25 days (if I end up staying that long in Kansas City)

Things I’m Looking forward to Next school year:

-New classes (Honors Psychology, Chamber Choir, Honors Algebra 2, Honors U.S History, IB English 3, Honors Chemistry, Honors Spanish 2)

-No JROTC or band (Pretty happy about that)

-Yearbook staff and choir

-Big Brothers Big Sisters and community volunteer things

-Football games

-Getting to say “My Freshman Year” instead of “Last Year”

-New friends I can bond with

Things I’m NOT looking forward to next school year:

-Having to study extra hard next school year to keep up with my classes

-New choir teacher (kinda stuck between looking forward to this and not looking forward to it, but we’ll see how it goes. Dude seemed pretty cool over Skype anyway)

-Possible new dress code (screw Rutherford county board of education and their new uniform proposition)

-Losing friends I’ve had since freshman year

We’ll see what it’s like.

Insanity or Reality?

 Written two days ago

Sometimes they look at me like I’m insane, like I’m still a kid living in a fairy tale and I’m letting my dreams and imagination control me.

 Like I’m running around the house barefooted with a blanket as a cape and a mask jumping from couch to couch to avoid the lava so I can save all of the stuffed animals.

Except that I’m 16 and can no longer have dreams of saving the world. Apparently I have to “wake up” and realize that I can’t “save the world”.

They look at me like it’s impossible. Impossible to change things. Like I’m pathetic living in a dream.

Am I?

It’s like they don’t even realize that we can change it one small action at a time. They don’t seem to care about connection. Inferring that I have to “cope” with the heart that I have to reach out instead of putting it to good use and actually doing something worth the effort. Maybe God gave me a heart like this for a reason and maybe I’ll never change.

The only community outreaches we have at the church at I go to is a food pantry and a youth group. That’s about it.

Seriously.

 Is it really that bad to want to actually get out there and go do something that will change the way things are? We might only be individuals, but we can change the way things are! Things don't have to stay complacent and ":okay". They don't...

I guess the thing is that I wasn’t even thinking about all of this "community outreach" stuff until this year. When I would go running, I’d start thinking of places in Murfreesboro like The Journey Home, S.A.V.E, Special Kids and Good Shepherd’s Childrens Home and wonder why I wasn’t there doing something during my free time.

 As much of a procrastinator I may be, I’m not about wasting time and watching and hearing people suffer. In October after God put justice themed scriptures on my heart, that’s when I started thinking about it. When people see other people putting real time, real effort and real money into something that they don’t personally benefit from, then they know they see something different because the selfishness is excluded. It’s love. Love serves.

I don’t even play sports, because unless it’s recreational or just for fun when I’m hanging out with my friends, I feel like it’s time-consuming and that I’m wasting it. I could seriously jump into a sports team right now and put all my effort into it regardless if a coach yells at me. That isn’t the problem as much as people see it.  I don’t fancy being yelled at but I can handle it, thank you very much. The reason I don’t do sports because I feel like it wastes my time holding a record up when I’m not going to have anything to do with it 2 years from now.

We’re living in a society that’s so consumed with living for itself that it’s forgotten and abandoned its own to fend for themselves. No one really cares.

We’re taking what was given to us for granted every day. And if it requires extra work that “isn’t going to matter” then they just throw it out the window like it isn’t meaningful. 

Not that not having the desire to volunteer means you’re a bad person. We all of an area of gifting and ministry/.. But it’s like a missions trip. They say a person should go on a mission trip at least once in their life. Why? Because they can see what it’s really like in other places where they don’t have anything... 

So I guess that's it. Next year I'm going to volunteer. And I'm going to get a car, and I'm going to keep my word when I promise people things. And I can keep living in my fairytale if I want to, no matter what people think... because we can change the world and I believe that with everything within me, no matter what, and nothing that ever happens will change my mind about that.

Lessons I’ve learned today;

-we can’t rely on those who are known to be untrustworthy

-we can’t always put our full trust and expectation in man, or else we’ll be let down

-we have total and complete control over choosing to let a situation greatly upset us or not

-there are a lot of people out there that need someone

Lights will guide you home...

Tears stream

down your face

When you lose something you can’t replace…

                                                                   

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.

Lights will guide you home,                                                    

And Ignite your bones.

And I will try…

to fix you.

When you stare in the face of change, it’s almost as if the very cold chill that rushed down your spine the first time is released once again.

It’s scary. Sometimes it hurts.

At times it can be exhilarating. Other times it can be the change we long awaited for, but in the end

As each change passes by in life

We can never get used to it.

A time comes when we begin to get used to our surroundings, and comfort sets in for a moment, only to be stolen away again.

We can never get completely comfortable, because we live in a world that changes every day. Our lives our ever-changing.

We see people day in and day out, year after year. Relationships come and may stay for a little while, but it seems that as soon as they’re there, they leave. When they leave, it feels like they took a piece of your heart with them in their journey.

They leave an eternal hand print on your heart. As each person was created and crafted differently, each hand print has its unique marking.

We can’t buy back time, but we can relive memories when we close our eyes.

And hold within us the skill we gained, the conversations we held and the stories we told that will live on.

We do often get scared staring into the face of change, but the truth is that if we don’t change, no matter how much it hurts, how will we ever grow and keep our journey moving?

 How will anymore hand prints be left in our hearts? How will we leave an impact in other peoples’ lives?

We’ve got to change. We’ve got to grow, and we’ve got to keep moving.

We have an eternity ahead of us. Whichever way we choose, it’s going to change the world.

 Lights will guide you home… what does it even mean?

When we take that next step of change in our journey, no matter how dark, new or hopeless things may seem at first, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel... The word says that God will never leave us nor forsake us. No matter what change we face, when we trust him to be our light at the end of the tunnel, he’ll be there waiting to guide us through the journey until we finally reach the place that is really home…

To ignite means to set ablaze, to consume with fire, as if you were purifying the gold in a furnace, removing all of the impurities and the things that cause us to hurt and stumble. Being ignited requires change as all of the dirt falls off of us on our journey.

We can’t fix ourselves, no matter how hard we try... and we can never be fixed by man and man alone…

But the end of the tunnel will be forever lit, and our hearts will be forever drawn to it. And in the end, through all of the change, we will be fixed. We’ll be fixed along the journey by the people we meet, the ones we love, the adventures we experience and a God that wants to best for us.

I want to say Thank You to our Oakland High School choir teacher Mr. McDonald. He’s leaving this year to go get his Master’s Degree in choir.

Mr. McDonald, I wish you the best of luck. You’ve left a huge handprint on the hearts of these students (and me). Your hand-print will remain in our hearts. Thank you.

Next year will open up a new chapter in life. We can hope for the best.

Let’s get ready for it.

An Advocate for Justice and the Fatherless

"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." -Romans 8:15

Defend the poor and fatherless;
Do justice to the afflicted and needy.
⁴ Deliver the poor and needy;
Free them from the hand of the wicked.
-Psalm 82:3-4

I've had points throughout my life where I've contemplated a career that helps people. Last year after watching an episode of CSI that dealt with young girls recovering from being sex trafficked and orphaned, I wondered what it would be like to work in a field that would help them. I thought about adopting the orphaned and the "unwanted." After dismissing the thought to focus on my dream of becoming a worship leader and song writer, I remember that God began putting justice scriptures in my heart in October of 2012, mostly after I returned from the prayer and prophetic conference in Kansas City. And it began with the one written on the left-hand wall of the prayer room: Luke 18:7.


And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? -Luke 18:7

After returning home I spent time in prayer about this and wrote down the scriptures I continually got, including Isaiah 61 that talks about setting the captives free and opening the prisons to those who are bound. I had no idea what God was trying to tell me. Why did I have to keep reciting this scripture in the youth Christmas program? Why did it keep coming up in prayer? What did it even mean? What did justice even mean?

In recent months a career involving reaching out to the traumatized, the hurt has come back up. Actually, the ideas have pretty much thrown themselves at me, and it took this long for them to click. The other night I found the Orphan Justice Center on Facebook after doing some unplanned research.( http://orphanjusticecenter.com/ )  and Safe Families For Children  (http://www.safefamilieskc.org/) re I clicked on the Facebook "Safe Families" like page and almost cried when I saw the banner with "Psalm 82:4" written on it. These were one of the justice scriptures I had been praying for only two days before, and here it was staring me in the face. 

 I have a desire to help people and bring them to justice and freedom. I love working with kids, although sometimes I wonder if I'm even good at it. I like to make connections between people and get people what they need, whether or not they're "liked". I've always drawn myself away from a popular crowd to reach out to the people that no one else liked. Heck, I even wrote stories about kids in orphanages when I was younger, and wrote about kids that weren't wanted by people. It's been a fascination that I've ignored for so long up until now. 

So what do I even do? That I'm still trying to figure out. Maybe I'm suppose to be a counselor and adopt kids or something, I don't know. But right here and now, if I know anything it's this: 

There has to be justice brought fourth in the earth. Why has society abandoned its own? This future generation relies on the NOW generation. We can't ignore those crying out for justice and mercy. We can't ignore those who cry out for love. God won't ignore them.

Our God is a Just God.

And when we choose to get the heart of God, we'll understand the Cry.

The National Day of Prayer: a Future and a Hope

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 

Since the beginning of this year, God placed it on my heart to do something at Oakland for the National Day of Prayer, and this is the scripture I've been praying over it with. One step at a time is how I've realized you get places, not only physically, but also spiritually and metaphorically. Every journey, big or small, begins with one step. 


Days before this after practicing a couple times, I began to feel the nervous effect. I had lead worship in front of a congregation only a few times before, but now I was positioning myself to lead worship in front of people who may or may not even believe in God and who might make fun of me. I started contemplating if it was even a good idea, but in that time God assured me. In my heart he prompted, "This is my plan, not yours. My word never returns void. You have every resource you need. Now all you need is trust." 
And so I layed it down at his feet for him to take up and carry.  I'm the servant, not the one in charge.

This morning we got to school bright and early, set the instruments up on the sidewalk outside of the band room. As people gathered, we began to pray then lead into the song "How He Loves Us". Before we started, I took a deep breath and instead of feeling a pounding heart or stress on my shoulders for playing and singing in leading for the first time, I felt an inner peace and confidence. "This is it. This is right."

And we took off. Prayed in groups, then gathered back to praise God with "Our God is Greater".
Did persecution come? 
Yes, it did, and we endured it.  

We know who wins in the end when it's all said and done.


It was like everything we had ever prayed for for Oakland high school began to happen in front of me.
And I know God isn't finished yet. Revival is here. 



I want to thank everyone who came this morning, and even those who didn't come. I want you to know that you're the light and that no matter who you are, you move God's heart when you seek him. When you share his love, his heart is moved. When you talk to him, his heart moves.


Have a blessed National Day of Prayer.

-Hannah