Exhausted.

One song I've listened to a lot this week while packing has been Keep Your Eyes Open by NeedToBreathe...



This week has been... well, more rough than most weeks. I'd rather have been in school than at home dealing with things that I would have rather not dealt with. 5 people in a 2 bedroom house for a few days while we attempt to pack and move is harder than it sounds or looks. (if you don't believe me, you try it out and see how it works for you.)

The truth is for so long I was used to things being quiet with my mom. Just the two of us sharing one house, talking when I came home from school, sharing household chores, limited conversations because of our somewhat introverted personalities. Once my brother moved back in, most of that seemed to evaporate instantly, and when my other young siblings are forced from other circumstances to stay for a few days or even weeks at a time it makes things even less peaceful, as much as I love them. I am uncomfortable. But sometimes when you love people, you have to get over your discomfort and put them first. It's called selfless service. And while the entire world is pushing at you from every direction, telling you you're a screw up or that you're not wanted, which are thoughts in your own mind that eventually turn into things that sound like "No one wants you" I realize that it's time to block other people out. Whether it is someone you love or someone you hardly know throwing things at you, sometimes you have to choose to throw it off and keep going. Selfish and stuck up is the one thing in the entire world that I never want to become, out of anything else. Yet it's my worst enemy, and sometimes it nails me in the head. It's something that I've conquered and am determined to sit on top of for the rest of my life.

I'm not perfect, and I never will be. I can't fix other people, and I can't fix their flaws. 


That is not a lie. It is not a doubt, and it is not fictional. It's as non-fictional and the naked truth, however others may look at it.
But prayer is what I can do. Jesus Christ conquered for us. So we're conquerers. We're over-comers. We can over-come our own flaws and mishaps, and can help and encourage others to do so.

I want this season to end, now. I want to pack up and get everything moved into the next house. I want to set up my new room, put all my posters back on my wall, and leave for the summer, back to Maryland and eventually to Kansas City, then I want to come back home and find a job or volunteer place while going back to school. While things will never be the same as they were, I just want a new season. It's time to close this chapter. And it's closing this week.

Things I've learned this Week and what I still need to work on:

*Put others first and yourself last
*Prayer and love are the ultimate life-changing remedies
*Seasons change and are here for a time
*Cast off others' opinions and focus on God's