The Pattern of Self-Denial

"Do I say these things as a  mere man? Or does not the law say the same also?  For it is written in the law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain.” 
 Is it oxen God is concerned about? Or does He say it altogether for our sakes? 
 For our sakes, no doubt, this is written, that he who plows should plow in hope, and he who threshes in hope should be partaker of his hope. If we have sown spiritual things for you, is it a great thing if we reap your material things? If others are partakers of this right over you, are we not even more?
Nevertheless we have not used this right, but endure all things lest we hinder the gospel of Christ. 


Do you not know that those who minister the holy things eat of the things of the temple, and those who serve at the altar partake of the offerings of the altar? Even so the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should live from the gospel." - 1 Corinthians 9:8-13





 

Sometimes it's difficult to remember what keeps you going when you're in a place where there is constant questioning of who you are. Identity crisis is our generation's biggest issue. Everyone has dealt with it at some point in their life, but now, in this time and age, it seems to run deeper than just what you're going to be when you grow up and what your life purpose is. Yes, the generation that is called to great things and that is rising up in the end times that will stand before Jesus Christ suffers daily persecution, and we suffer persecution from our peers by constantly being questioned about who we are. We are questioned when we walk into school and look around at different cliques, wondering where we belong. We are questioned when we feel threatened of our security. We are questioned when we feel like an outcast. We are questioned when we notice that we're different.
Truthfully,  sometimes society questions us. But most of the time it's us questioning ourselves.

  

Sometimes I have to stop in my tracks and listen to God in the midst of running. Sometimes I have to go out in the field of my front yard and stand beneath the trees and just ask God to speak to me as I close my eyes, attempt to clear my busy head, and listen. As I did this and flipped open my bible, I landed on this page and began to read the scripture above.

 
To be honest, insecurity, the fear of the judgement of man, and questioning myself have been my past weaknesses. I have gotten scared when I would feel like I didn't have a place or when I would feel like an outcast, and then I  would begin questioning myself and feeling like I have to change myself in order to be liked by other people (which is a waste of time). At this point, when I feel that (which usually coincides with not having spent an adequate amount of face-time with Jesus in my room and reading the word) this is when God is like "YO. Quit worrying so much about what all of these people think of you, and keep your eyes on the prize at the end of the race. The opinion of man is so temporal and it doesn't even matter when you're obeying me, so quit paying so much attention to it! I accept you and I love you."



So when we start getting an identity crisis within ourselves, or we begin questioning ourselves, we've got to look at the word! God's word never changes or fails. It is the same yesterday, today, and forever. As long as we see that, we will never lose sight of who we are or what we're suppose to be doing. And when we feel ourselves getting lost again, we can always and should always look back and meditate on that. Lets eat of the holy things of the temple so that when we interact with other people we're shedding light in their lives instead of draining them. Let's speak about things that matter and that edify others.

1 Corinthians 9 is good to read... So check it out in your bible time if you can. :)



Thank you for reading and have a blessed week!

Love, 
Hannah

Like a Lion

Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To see a revolution somehow.
Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To bring a revolution somehow


Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.


My God's not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

Let hope arise and make the darkness hide
My faith is dead
I need a resurrection somehow
 
Let Heaven roar 
and fire fall
come shake the ground
with the sound 
of revival





[Like a Lion- David Crowder Band] (Because the Newsboys version is way too hip for me)



I really love this song. I hope we do it for See You At The Pole. This song perfectly describes the season, and what is being prophesied over our generation right now... over my generation... and over my school...


Only a month away.


Get ready.

The Internal and External Calling.

What is our internal calling?

"Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying,  "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’^"

^{Matthew 22:35-39 NKJV} 

^{God says is Psalms 139 that he formed us in our mother's womb. So with forming us, he placed callings and purposes within us. God gave plans and purposes to each of us, even before we were born. He gave us a destiny and a purpose.} 

^{1. The Internal Calling- why we were made. Why we are here. What our purpose is.}

^{Matthew 22:35-39 is our first and foremost internal calling that every human being is born with. We were made to love God, because it's one of the desires he put in us and what he's called us to, although not everyone chooses it. God did not destin us for failure, and he never will. He gave us a free choice with destiny, and love is a part of freedom of choice in that.} 

^{Sometimes we loose sight of our internal calling, by getting distracted by....}

^{2. The External Calling. Our school. Our job. Our life. What we're suppose to do.}

^{Where am I called to serve in the body of Christ and in the world? Should I be a mechanic, or an artist? Do I want to get married and have a family, or not? Do I want to go to college, or do I want to work?} 

^{God gave us skills and talents that we can use to glorify him and to reach others! Maybe he gifted you with the ability to fix things, or maybe he gave you skills where you can talk to people. Maybe your talent is solving an algebraic equation in less than one minute, or maybe your talent is giving speeches. Whatever the talent, skill, or gift is, we can all use that gift to serve somewhere in the body of Christ and somewhere in the world. We must choose to put away our selfishness and look for our skills and talents and begin to use them in great ways.}

^{Never let your internal calling be pushed away by the external calling, because when we follow the internal calling, the external calling will automatically fall into place as will everything else.}

^{Write that down.}

^{I think that even though I'm busy, God's going to use me this year. He's going to use my writing skills like he's doing right now. He's going to use my musician skills for more music and worship. He's going to use my people skills to work and to reach out to my school and new people at church as I settle into these new environments. I'm ready to make myself useful to God.}

I've prayed about what I'm going to do this year as far as small groups go at Oakland (but granted I'm not done yet and I never will be until I graduate. I'm still seeking answers!) I'm going to a small group meeting before church Sunday, and there we're going to get schooled on how to really start up small groups and how to keep them running well. There is so much that is happening this year, and I believe that whatever happens, it will all be spirit-led as long as we obey God and always remember our internal calling and continue to stoke it.

^{Define skillful;}

                       ^{useful to God's purposes.}

^{Make yourself available to his calling for you}

                                      ^{and he'll blow you away. I promise.}

^:)

Cheers for life.

So here I am. New classes. No band or rotc (I'm still very happy about this, I suppose because I felt enslaved to it last year and I wanted to break free of it and try new things. I truly hate cliques.) A New job. New people. New changes within the church. New friends. New people I met over the summer. I guess all of this approaches a new year.

I kind of like how this whole Church-School-Work thing is going. After school I have just enough time to eat and throw on these ugly Subway clothes and sprint across the street. I like the job, although I tend to annoy myself when I screw things up. I like my co-workers, so this is a good thing. I'm pretty sure my manager is sexist because I haven't seen any guys so far, except for the manager himself. Or maybe guys just don't want jobs at Subway.

At first, all of this made me intense, really. I was not relaxed the first three days of school or work at all. I wasn't relaxed the first three days at ATC (Awakening Teen Camp), either. Whenever I walked into the cafeteria, I didn't know who to sit by except the girls in my counselor group who I was pretty sure disliked me because everytime I said something I was either ignored or degraded. I didn't know what to do when we waited for the buses except stick my hands in my pockets and listen to the guys play the guitars. I pretty much hated Late Nights because I'm not good at sports or randomly socializing with people I don't know in a place where I've been only once, so I would go to FCF and chill in the prayer room. Of course it got easier as time went by. I started making friends and liking people and learned a lot, and I even met Jon Thurlow (my musical role model) (best thing that happened in my entire life right next to getting saved and encountering God). All of this right before I jumped on my plane. A lot of people think, "Oh yeah, Hannah can talk to just about anyone! She's good with people! A great people person!" And perhapse I thought I was at some point, too. Well, things change. This past summer has shown me that. I can only be a people person when I'm confident. And as of now, the only place I'm confident is at church, because it's been my second home for about four years now.

I suppose my inconfidence in meeting new people and trying to get comfortable in new environments is my fear of being judged or saying something stupid. I like to ask questions and add comments, but sometimes I get rude looks, laughs, or people roll their eyes when I ask things. I try to be funny, but I'm not. So what else can I do so that people won't think I'm stupid? Not say anything.

But I suppose that can't always be how things are. So I've got to get over it. A friend told me that I need to just be fine with who I am and be that, and whoever accepts it will accept it and respect that I am who I am, and whoever doesn't- that's their problem. I hate being flakey. I never want to be flakey. I just want to be real because I serve a God who's real. And I serve a God who's teaching me how to be myself and be fine with who he made me to be every single day...

Cruel kindness

"Do I dare to recall
When nothing else mattered at all?
This warm embrace,
 do I dare to recall?
To think real slow, relive
the memories left cold?
These hills are empty,
 this path is old,
These castle towers are left to crumble
Across these bridges I stumble
I run to the place,
Hoping to find you there, somehow
 to know you still care
Evening turns to dusk
I keep running, keep searching,
But this cannon has been fired,
standing abandoned and left behind
I can’t regret or relive,
Because it’s just a memory
 in the back of my mind.
Just a memory
Just a memory
I can’t help but to recall
Just a memory
That I don’t care about anymore
Because I want to see you smile
and know that I still mean
something to you

I crawled out from beneath the ashes
And looked up at the sky
Lay before him all the pieces
And let out a desperate cry
He picked me up, held me in his palm
Close to his heart so I could be restored in his love
Close to his heart so I could stand, even if it’s alone.
These wounds still burn from time to time
But I have a healing hand against my side.
Ontop of these memories
 left untold."



Sometimes we go through these seasons. It's all a part of growing. Something we can control only to an extent as the rest slips through our fingers. Unlike others, I don't believe that the universe hates us. I believe that every action bears a consequence, no matter who is giving the action, and that ever non-action still bears a consequence. But unless we really know the consequences, how will we ever learn? How will we ever grow?  Sometimes I wish that we could remain ignorant. That it wasn't wrong to have a child-like mindset. To be innocent and for people to think it's okay and that they can still pretend like it's okay with you, like pretending that Santa Clause is still real. But would it be cruel to leave one in ignorance, or would it be cruel to reveal to them the truth?

There's a Storm all around you.

I know there are creatures all around you
I know there are lightnings and thunderings.
I know there's a Storm all around you
Holy
Holy, Holy.

I see Seven Lamps of Fire burning 
and I
see a sea of glass
mingled with fire burning
I see the son of man 
with eyes of fire burning,
burning, burning

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa...


Halle- Halle- Hallelujah 
for the Lord 
God Omnipotent reigns

Everyone in the temple cries "Glory"....



This song and Revelations 4 has opened up a new perspective on who God is to me. It's changed me, molded me, and marked me. I will never be the same. I can't describe it with words.

Read Revelations 4. Ask God for a revelation of his transcendent beauty. Be marked by something incredible....

A bit of Rainy Weather

I sat in my IB music class today not feeling the smartest- not knowing whether I should take SL or HL. Not wanting to sell myself short by taking SL, but not wanting to look like a failure if I couldn't hold HL together.

 It's the same feeling I get as I sit in front of my keyboard pooring over how to read chords, checking my chord book, playing them, feeling stupid because they don't sound right, and so I just put the chords away and play by ear and it takes forever to finally get it right... it's so frustrating.

 I hate that I've never had private lessons, except for a few by different friends or leaders of mine. I want to play music well. So badly. And so I do, every single day when I sit down at my keyboard like a little David sitting on a hill plucking at his strings and singing praises to Jesus.
 I play the notes, which turn into chords. I don't know what everything is called, but they sound right when I play them, so I play them and sing out of the word or sing praises or just sing "Whoa" 
I know I'm called to music- it's a desire inside of my heart and whenever people pray for me at like conferences in stuff when they ask if you wanna get prayed for they always say "Musician! Song writer! Prophetic music! Leader! Singer!" Three years ago I would think in the back of my mind "Nah, that's not me. They've got the wrong one." But now I know that they were right afterall. God hand picked me to have an ear for music for a reason. It has to be real and it has to be what I'm called to. I have an ear for sounds. I always have. And people get intense when I can pick out the right note or harmony and play things exactly as they sound just by listening to it and they're like "How can you do that! You're so lucky!" but if only you understood how badly I wanted to be able to sight read perfectly like you! And like most of the other musicians I know.... and it took practice for them... I know. I want to know the mechanics. But whenever I go to look at them I get so confused and frustrated. I couldn't play the keyboard at ATC because I didn't know how to read an A#m7, whatever the heck that is (it's somewhere in my chord book).

I guess what I'm saying is that I really just don't know where to go from here.

I guess it just takes practice. A kid who wants to play baseball can't practice by himself every single day. He needs people to practice with. He needs someone to critique him, to show him how to fast-pitch and slow-pitch, or else he'll never become what he wants to be....

I need a teacher. Who can give me lessons.
Like legit weekly lessons.
On everything.
I have a job now, which equals money, now I just need time and a teacher. I can't do this on my own, so I'm going to pray about it.