A bit of Rainy Weather

I sat in my IB music class today not feeling the smartest- not knowing whether I should take SL or HL. Not wanting to sell myself short by taking SL, but not wanting to look like a failure if I couldn't hold HL together.

 It's the same feeling I get as I sit in front of my keyboard pooring over how to read chords, checking my chord book, playing them, feeling stupid because they don't sound right, and so I just put the chords away and play by ear and it takes forever to finally get it right... it's so frustrating.

 I hate that I've never had private lessons, except for a few by different friends or leaders of mine. I want to play music well. So badly. And so I do, every single day when I sit down at my keyboard like a little David sitting on a hill plucking at his strings and singing praises to Jesus.
 I play the notes, which turn into chords. I don't know what everything is called, but they sound right when I play them, so I play them and sing out of the word or sing praises or just sing "Whoa" 
I know I'm called to music- it's a desire inside of my heart and whenever people pray for me at like conferences in stuff when they ask if you wanna get prayed for they always say "Musician! Song writer! Prophetic music! Leader! Singer!" Three years ago I would think in the back of my mind "Nah, that's not me. They've got the wrong one." But now I know that they were right afterall. God hand picked me to have an ear for music for a reason. It has to be real and it has to be what I'm called to. I have an ear for sounds. I always have. And people get intense when I can pick out the right note or harmony and play things exactly as they sound just by listening to it and they're like "How can you do that! You're so lucky!" but if only you understood how badly I wanted to be able to sight read perfectly like you! And like most of the other musicians I know.... and it took practice for them... I know. I want to know the mechanics. But whenever I go to look at them I get so confused and frustrated. I couldn't play the keyboard at ATC because I didn't know how to read an A#m7, whatever the heck that is (it's somewhere in my chord book).

I guess what I'm saying is that I really just don't know where to go from here.

I guess it just takes practice. A kid who wants to play baseball can't practice by himself every single day. He needs people to practice with. He needs someone to critique him, to show him how to fast-pitch and slow-pitch, or else he'll never become what he wants to be....

I need a teacher. Who can give me lessons.
Like legit weekly lessons.
On everything.
I have a job now, which equals money, now I just need time and a teacher. I can't do this on my own, so I'm going to pray about it.