Life is a Vapor, but his love never changes.

Things can change in an instant just as much as they can change over a period of two months. People can come and go, disasters happen, opportunities arise, and it just goes on as this never-ending, ever-changing thing. Life is a vapor, and at the end of that vapor, it all comes down to what we've lived for...

I feel like coming back to high school this year, knowing that I've changed in ways myself over the summer, I see changes that people I've been friends with have gone through. Some of them are disappointing, while others are surprising, and others are completely great. I've lost the closeness with some, but I've gained friendships with new people at the same time.

So whether things are changing here in an instant or over a period of time, they're going to change. And whether it may be disappointing, I have to love and move on. We have to choose to move on. The reality is that Jesus' love never changes. I feel like I've written this so much, but how true is it to me? How real is this fact to us? When I've gone through the day and I'm weary and burdened and tired of seeing things I wish I hadn't or realizing things I wish were never true, I walk into my room and shut the door behind me, and he's there. He's the only one there when it's all said and done. And maybe other people might change, but he won't. He promises to always love us and to never leave us. And even though sometimes I get tired and thoughtful, I realize in the end that his never-changing, ever present love is all I need. It's all we need.
We could have so many material possessions, but they can be snatched away in an instant. We have friends that we love that could change in an instant and decide to be someone we never thought they'd be. We have a family, even closer, that we could be far away from, or that could be there next to us, but that may be absent or caught up in other things. We could have absolutely nothing. And if we did, what would fulfill the emptiness in our hearts?

 

Wisdom Cries Out in the Streets (A Personal Testimony)

To be honest, I really don't like talking about myself or posting things that are too personal. There's a lot of things that are unnecessary to even waste my time writing about. But I've picked out a topic that people point out about myself and have asked me about, so just in case you were wondering, here goes.



People often tell me that I'm an old soul. I hear people (several different people that I may know well, others that I don't know very well) tell me that I'm very wise. They remark about how mature I am. They tell me that I don't sound like I'm sixteen when I write and that I don't act like a normal sixteen year old. They don't think I look sixteen, either. So I guess I'm going to write about why this is, or why I think this is I guess.

I think that when we are getting in God's face (like going into our "prayer closets", basically spending time in both simple devotion and deep prayer on a daily basis) we grow a lot more than we expect, even as young people. The holy spirit that lives on the inside of us teaches us things in this prayer time.
 We are constantly feeding on the word of God.
We are living off of it.
We are listening to worship music, lifting up our hands daily in worship and thanking God for who he is every single day.
We may be having a rough day and the morning didn't start off the best, but we whisper "Thank you Jesus for helping me adjust my attitude today". 
These things help you grow more than you think.
You will grow when you are constantly communicating with the Lord. He made us to grow, and made us to never stop growing.

I had begun in youth group when I was like thirteen and I would feed off of what our youth leaders would tell us and what our pastor taught. I look up to elders and prayer leaders because they have wisdom and I want the same wisdom and spirit of intercession to live in me. I would feed off of the retreats. I didn't want to go to a youth retreat and come back home so that things would turn back to normal. I wanted to live in that constant feeling of being forever connected with God's heart no matter where I was or where I went. I wanted to rock the boat and I had developed an intense desire for God to use me to reach people, without selfish ambitions or pride.

 One time I started praying for people I knew needed help and that needed a rekindling of their fire. The summer of 2010, the summer before my freshman year, I would spend at least an hour and a half in my temporary bedroom at my dad's house each night praying for a list of people, and praying for Oakland high school which I'd never been to yet. Praying, worshiping and reading for an hour and a half by yourself isn't easy for the first few times. Don't think it's going to be the most amazing thing in the world your first time if you haven't done it before. You have to want it.
I prayed that God would give me vision to reach out to high school students ("What 14 year old even prays about that?" Someone once asked me.) I prayed for revival. I prayed for fire. I prayed for souls. I prayed for intense encounters that people would have in school. I prayed for the gospel to spring fourth. And even after returning home to Tennessee, I prayed about these things in my prayer group at church. Spending an hour and a half with God every night for an entire summer will cause you to grow intensely, and after you start you just don't want to stop.

Just to clarify, I wasn't the most intense spiritual person you'd ever met. But I will say that maybe I sound like one because God put these desires in me after I asked for them. You don't have to be extremely spiritual to get all of this, because I know I wasn't. I just asked.

As I grew in prayer, by hooking up in prayer groups at church, watching my youth leaders and the elders and "prayer leaders" of the church and with Christian friends, I realized that I needed to drop some things that were seriously hindering me in my walk with God and my growth and from reaching out to others. It was a big list that I didn't want to give up, but that I had to. It was time to clean out the closet. So I did.
And it really hurt.
Actually it hurt so bad that I was like "God, why can't I just kill myself now? Seriously?"
But as I quickly learned to adapt to my new environment, after throwing off the heaviness so that I could run my race (Hebrews 12:1-2) I noticed that I felt lighter.
I realized that it was okay to be alone.
That God could encounter me intensely when I was by myself in my bedroom.
That I didn't have to carry people that I didn't have to.
That I didn't have to stay in this immature mindset. That I could grow.
That change was okay, and that I can never get comfortable in one spot.

Change is okay. Especially when it's constant change.

So after I threw these things off, I separated myself from people more often and would spend more time with God. "How boring" one could say. Well, the first couple of times, maybe it is. But when you ask the Lord to stoke a passion in you, he will.



The thing is though is that I asked for wisdom. I asked God to give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation of his love and of his word (read Ephesians chapter 1). I wanted to grow. I was like "God, I'm giving everything to you, literally everything that I've ever clung onto, because I know that when I hand it to you, you will take better care of it and show me what to. You know more than me. Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine."

Even if you don't know where to start, pray for wisdom and revelation. He listens. He really does.






The biggest revelation I got to gain wisdom and understanding was this, if you want the truth.

Gain an eternal mindset and cast off the things that are temporary and that don't matter in the long run.

If people are hindering you with your walk with God, no matter who they are to you, separate yourself from them. I'm serious. Because they will screw up your walk with God and it won't be very pretty....

Obey God at all times. If you have a bad feeling or conviction about something you're doing, stop it.

Read the word. Sing the word. Say with word. Pray the word. Know the word. Live the word. 
Every single day.
Make it your life.
Seriously.
Like if you don't read the word and spend time in worship and prayer today then you're going to get grouchy because you didn't eat today and you're going to starve. That's how I look at it.
I don't care if you have no time at all in your schedule and you have to give up a little bit of sleep to do it. Either kick something, anything, off of your schedule, fast social media to gain 20 extra minutes to spend with God instead of wasting your life feeding yourself with stuff that in the end just doesn't matter, drop an extremely high level class at school that is taking up wayyyy too much of your time if needed (yeah, I just went there). But if you want wisdom you HAVE to live in the place of prayer and worship. Constantly. I'd rather have time with God and give up sleep than have more sleep and no word. It effects your attitude. Every day.

Sounds like a lot. It is. But how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live out the word, and how badly do you want wisdom?

Well, you decide for yourself.

 

The Pattern of Self-Denial

"Do I say these things as a  mere man? Or does not the law say the same also?  For it is written in the law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain.” 
 Is it oxen God is concerned about? Or does He say it altogether for our sakes? 
 For our sakes, no doubt, this is written, that he who plows should plow in hope, and he who threshes in hope should be partaker of his hope. If we have sown spiritual things for you, is it a great thing if we reap your material things? If others are partakers of this right over you, are we not even more?
Nevertheless we have not used this right, but endure all things lest we hinder the gospel of Christ. 


Do you not know that those who minister the holy things eat of the things of the temple, and those who serve at the altar partake of the offerings of the altar? Even so the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should live from the gospel." - 1 Corinthians 9:8-13





 

Sometimes it's difficult to remember what keeps you going when you're in a place where there is constant questioning of who you are. Identity crisis is our generation's biggest issue. Everyone has dealt with it at some point in their life, but now, in this time and age, it seems to run deeper than just what you're going to be when you grow up and what your life purpose is. Yes, the generation that is called to great things and that is rising up in the end times that will stand before Jesus Christ suffers daily persecution, and we suffer persecution from our peers by constantly being questioned about who we are. We are questioned when we walk into school and look around at different cliques, wondering where we belong. We are questioned when we feel threatened of our security. We are questioned when we feel like an outcast. We are questioned when we notice that we're different.
Truthfully,  sometimes society questions us. But most of the time it's us questioning ourselves.

  

Sometimes I have to stop in my tracks and listen to God in the midst of running. Sometimes I have to go out in the field of my front yard and stand beneath the trees and just ask God to speak to me as I close my eyes, attempt to clear my busy head, and listen. As I did this and flipped open my bible, I landed on this page and began to read the scripture above.

 
To be honest, insecurity, the fear of the judgement of man, and questioning myself have been my past weaknesses. I have gotten scared when I would feel like I didn't have a place or when I would feel like an outcast, and then I  would begin questioning myself and feeling like I have to change myself in order to be liked by other people (which is a waste of time). At this point, when I feel that (which usually coincides with not having spent an adequate amount of face-time with Jesus in my room and reading the word) this is when God is like "YO. Quit worrying so much about what all of these people think of you, and keep your eyes on the prize at the end of the race. The opinion of man is so temporal and it doesn't even matter when you're obeying me, so quit paying so much attention to it! I accept you and I love you."



So when we start getting an identity crisis within ourselves, or we begin questioning ourselves, we've got to look at the word! God's word never changes or fails. It is the same yesterday, today, and forever. As long as we see that, we will never lose sight of who we are or what we're suppose to be doing. And when we feel ourselves getting lost again, we can always and should always look back and meditate on that. Lets eat of the holy things of the temple so that when we interact with other people we're shedding light in their lives instead of draining them. Let's speak about things that matter and that edify others.

1 Corinthians 9 is good to read... So check it out in your bible time if you can. :)



Thank you for reading and have a blessed week!

Love, 
Hannah

Like a Lion

Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To see a revolution somehow.
Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To bring a revolution somehow


Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.


My God's not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

Let hope arise and make the darkness hide
My faith is dead
I need a resurrection somehow
 
Let Heaven roar 
and fire fall
come shake the ground
with the sound 
of revival





[Like a Lion- David Crowder Band] (Because the Newsboys version is way too hip for me)



I really love this song. I hope we do it for See You At The Pole. This song perfectly describes the season, and what is being prophesied over our generation right now... over my generation... and over my school...


Only a month away.


Get ready.

The Internal and External Calling.

What is our internal calling?

"Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying,  "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’^"

^{Matthew 22:35-39 NKJV} 

^{God says is Psalms 139 that he formed us in our mother's womb. So with forming us, he placed callings and purposes within us. God gave plans and purposes to each of us, even before we were born. He gave us a destiny and a purpose.} 

^{1. The Internal Calling- why we were made. Why we are here. What our purpose is.}

^{Matthew 22:35-39 is our first and foremost internal calling that every human being is born with. We were made to love God, because it's one of the desires he put in us and what he's called us to, although not everyone chooses it. God did not destin us for failure, and he never will. He gave us a free choice with destiny, and love is a part of freedom of choice in that.} 

^{Sometimes we loose sight of our internal calling, by getting distracted by....}

^{2. The External Calling. Our school. Our job. Our life. What we're suppose to do.}

^{Where am I called to serve in the body of Christ and in the world? Should I be a mechanic, or an artist? Do I want to get married and have a family, or not? Do I want to go to college, or do I want to work?} 

^{God gave us skills and talents that we can use to glorify him and to reach others! Maybe he gifted you with the ability to fix things, or maybe he gave you skills where you can talk to people. Maybe your talent is solving an algebraic equation in less than one minute, or maybe your talent is giving speeches. Whatever the talent, skill, or gift is, we can all use that gift to serve somewhere in the body of Christ and somewhere in the world. We must choose to put away our selfishness and look for our skills and talents and begin to use them in great ways.}

^{Never let your internal calling be pushed away by the external calling, because when we follow the internal calling, the external calling will automatically fall into place as will everything else.}

^{Write that down.}

^{I think that even though I'm busy, God's going to use me this year. He's going to use my writing skills like he's doing right now. He's going to use my musician skills for more music and worship. He's going to use my people skills to work and to reach out to my school and new people at church as I settle into these new environments. I'm ready to make myself useful to God.}

I've prayed about what I'm going to do this year as far as small groups go at Oakland (but granted I'm not done yet and I never will be until I graduate. I'm still seeking answers!) I'm going to a small group meeting before church Sunday, and there we're going to get schooled on how to really start up small groups and how to keep them running well. There is so much that is happening this year, and I believe that whatever happens, it will all be spirit-led as long as we obey God and always remember our internal calling and continue to stoke it.

^{Define skillful;}

                       ^{useful to God's purposes.}

^{Make yourself available to his calling for you}

                                      ^{and he'll blow you away. I promise.}

^:)

Cheers for life.

So here I am. New classes. No band or rotc (I'm still very happy about this, I suppose because I felt enslaved to it last year and I wanted to break free of it and try new things. I truly hate cliques.) A New job. New people. New changes within the church. New friends. New people I met over the summer. I guess all of this approaches a new year.

I kind of like how this whole Church-School-Work thing is going. After school I have just enough time to eat and throw on these ugly Subway clothes and sprint across the street. I like the job, although I tend to annoy myself when I screw things up. I like my co-workers, so this is a good thing. I'm pretty sure my manager is sexist because I haven't seen any guys so far, except for the manager himself. Or maybe guys just don't want jobs at Subway.

At first, all of this made me intense, really. I was not relaxed the first three days of school or work at all. I wasn't relaxed the first three days at ATC (Awakening Teen Camp), either. Whenever I walked into the cafeteria, I didn't know who to sit by except the girls in my counselor group who I was pretty sure disliked me because everytime I said something I was either ignored or degraded. I didn't know what to do when we waited for the buses except stick my hands in my pockets and listen to the guys play the guitars. I pretty much hated Late Nights because I'm not good at sports or randomly socializing with people I don't know in a place where I've been only once, so I would go to FCF and chill in the prayer room. Of course it got easier as time went by. I started making friends and liking people and learned a lot, and I even met Jon Thurlow (my musical role model) (best thing that happened in my entire life right next to getting saved and encountering God). All of this right before I jumped on my plane. A lot of people think, "Oh yeah, Hannah can talk to just about anyone! She's good with people! A great people person!" And perhapse I thought I was at some point, too. Well, things change. This past summer has shown me that. I can only be a people person when I'm confident. And as of now, the only place I'm confident is at church, because it's been my second home for about four years now.

I suppose my inconfidence in meeting new people and trying to get comfortable in new environments is my fear of being judged or saying something stupid. I like to ask questions and add comments, but sometimes I get rude looks, laughs, or people roll their eyes when I ask things. I try to be funny, but I'm not. So what else can I do so that people won't think I'm stupid? Not say anything.

But I suppose that can't always be how things are. So I've got to get over it. A friend told me that I need to just be fine with who I am and be that, and whoever accepts it will accept it and respect that I am who I am, and whoever doesn't- that's their problem. I hate being flakey. I never want to be flakey. I just want to be real because I serve a God who's real. And I serve a God who's teaching me how to be myself and be fine with who he made me to be every single day...

Cruel kindness

"Do I dare to recall
When nothing else mattered at all?
This warm embrace,
 do I dare to recall?
To think real slow, relive
the memories left cold?
These hills are empty,
 this path is old,
These castle towers are left to crumble
Across these bridges I stumble
I run to the place,
Hoping to find you there, somehow
 to know you still care
Evening turns to dusk
I keep running, keep searching,
But this cannon has been fired,
standing abandoned and left behind
I can’t regret or relive,
Because it’s just a memory
 in the back of my mind.
Just a memory
Just a memory
I can’t help but to recall
Just a memory
That I don’t care about anymore
Because I want to see you smile
and know that I still mean
something to you

I crawled out from beneath the ashes
And looked up at the sky
Lay before him all the pieces
And let out a desperate cry
He picked me up, held me in his palm
Close to his heart so I could be restored in his love
Close to his heart so I could stand, even if it’s alone.
These wounds still burn from time to time
But I have a healing hand against my side.
Ontop of these memories
 left untold."



Sometimes we go through these seasons. It's all a part of growing. Something we can control only to an extent as the rest slips through our fingers. Unlike others, I don't believe that the universe hates us. I believe that every action bears a consequence, no matter who is giving the action, and that ever non-action still bears a consequence. But unless we really know the consequences, how will we ever learn? How will we ever grow?  Sometimes I wish that we could remain ignorant. That it wasn't wrong to have a child-like mindset. To be innocent and for people to think it's okay and that they can still pretend like it's okay with you, like pretending that Santa Clause is still real. But would it be cruel to leave one in ignorance, or would it be cruel to reveal to them the truth?