Spirit Break Out

Our Father,
all of Heaven roars Your name
Sing louder,
 let this place erupt with praise
Can you hear it, 
the sound of Heaven touching Earth?
The sound of Heaven touching Earth

Spirit break out,
Break our walls down.
Spirit break out,
Heaven come down.

King Jesus
You're the name we're lifting high
Your glory
shaking up the earth and skies
Revival
we wanna see Your kingdom here
We wanna see Your kingdom here

Spirit break out
Break our walls down
Spirit break out
Heaven come down

 The spiritual resonance in this song is astounding. I have listened to this song 3 times tonight and each time it's as if I were hearing it for the first time again. I started praying the lyrics over my school and people of our town and nation tonight, and I felt like I received something to share with the world.

God is truly breathing on this nation and on the people around us. Whether or not it appears that way right now, through prayer and supplication, he is breathing on us and throughout our schools and throughout every nation, tribe and tongue. It might not look like someone is transforming, but our eyes can fool us easily. The fact that his breath of life is invading everywhere is truth. That person you have been praying for for five years has begun an inward transformation. Prayer won't return void. The fruit of prayer may not show up right away, but it's there.
God has not abandoned us in the darkness. His breath of life is in us, and he is constantly moving around us. He is our everything, and without him we are nothing. I am confident that we will see drastic increases in our walk with him the more we push through the "dry and weary lands." When I say this, I'm referring to the times where we don't feel like God's doing anything, or when we feel like our spiritual walk is boring, or when we're getting bored with the place God has put us and we want to move. On the other side of the desert is an oasis. We just need to sustain ourselves in Him and keep walking. I realize that I often write about pushing through the hard parts of our walk with God, but those challenges are very real, no matter how often people like to pretend they aren't there, and it isn't God that is making it hard, most of the time. It's us, because we tend to be self-centered instead of drawing our focus toward him. Often we do things to slow our own walk down, but we need focus on Him, forge on through to get to the other side.

That was a random spiritual epiphany, but there it is.


Spirit break out. Break our walls down. Break down everything that could hold us back from longing for more of God.

You Satisfy my Soul with your Love

Hallelujah, you make all things beautiful.
Hallelujah, trials and testing prove there's gold.
Hallelujah,
you turn mourning into joy.




We can be having an awful day, a terrible week, the worst time of our lives; But at the end of the day, when everything is said and done, as long as we having the confidence that our God loves us unconditionally, and that he is eternally ours and that we are eternally his, that is the point when we realize that nothing can truly harm us. And we experience the most genuine liberation and freedom that can exist in the human state.

You show me the way to life.

I love serving Jesus. No one can compare to him. No matter how much we try to replace him with other things in the world, there is nothing like being in his presence and spending time in communion with him and reading his word and learning from him. He teaches us things we forget and things we have never learned or known every day, and no matter what things look like in the end, he is the only one who can show us which way to go.


Tonight I wanted to share some things God taught me today about health.
Yesterday I gave blood. I was a little apprehensive since it was my first time, and I even had a bad feeling about doing it, knowing that my allergies were already bugging me that day, but decided to go for it anyway because I was already on the bus (literally). Let's say the experience was a lot more unpleasant than I expected. I almost passed out 3 times and remained sick and nauseous for the rest of the day. I felt good having helped someone somewhere out there who needed blood, but at the same time I felt terrible for the rest of the night, started running a fever and couldn't go to school today or finish any work that needed to get done. I failed people that were counting on me today when I could have prevented it. I couldn't sing for worship tonight because my throat was sore. I've constantly been sick this year more than any other year and so my immune system was probably not strong enough for me to give blood.

The truth is that most of the time I spend my time in concern for others and of others rather than myself. This seems kind of selfless at first glance, but isn't always a good thing. I was talking to my worship leader Juan tonight about it, and I loved his response. "Remember to put the oxygen mask on before putting anyone elses' on. It helps a lot."
Simple, right? Even a little sarcastic. But it's really something I forget about constantly and something that they have to put on the instruction card when flying with Southwest.

Put it this way. If I tell everyone that I represent Christ, but I'm constantly sick, wasting my money and not being wise with it and wasting time, never finishing my school work and on top of all of that not eating right or taking vitamins and trying to take care of everyone else, then what does that say about me as someone who represents Jesus? I believe that it's time for me to fix some things. Most people see my generation as self-absorbed and irresponsible. I don't want to be irresponsible. I'm tired of losing things and forgetting things so easily. It's time to take on a toll of being more responsible for myself and not worrying about everyone else. Not to say that in a selfish way, but in order to help the people in school or in Kenya when I leave, I have to be healthy and fit to reach out. And I think that all of this will start with eating right, exercising more often and taking vitamins. I need to start taking care of my temple so that God can use me more. Things are going to have to change, and I'm going to make them change by choice. I'm going to start caring for myself more and spending more time with God so that I know how to reach out. I'm going to start budgeting my money correctly so that I can save for a car. I'm determined to make this change this year. And if you see any things that you need to change in your lifestyle or walk with God- take a break, write things down and be determined to keep up with it. It can be difficult, but by taking care of ourselves first we make room for others. Take care of the root to grow the tree and reap the fruit. :)

Thank you Jesus for helping me to be responsible and for helping me to stay strong.

The Command to Go, not the inquiry.

There was something that happened in the earth when God commanded us in his word to Go. To preach the gospel to every living creature. He didn't set any limits. There isn't a phrase at the end of that scripture that says "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every living creature... only if you feel called to."


As living witnesses of The love of Christ, to go is our calling, wherever we may go, wherever he sends us, because he commanded it. He could tell us to Go into the school and that be our place, and from there we can reach further. The desire to go was formed in us from the beginning...

I can't say that before this year I had a burning, passionate desire to go on a missions trip, specifically. I knew that I would eventually, and I even thought to myself years ago "maybe 17 will be the year." I had a desire to see souls saved and people encounter Jesus, and that passion is still burning there and always will. But something sparked me. Something about looking at the way my friends were transformed when coming back home from these trips. How tears would fill their eyes when they would talk about what happened and the people they encountered and saw healed and saved. Watching them sell things that they owned to go on these trips and not miss a single thing. Watch them trust God with faith that moves mountains. Watching financial miracles happen. Most of all, it was watching them grow and listening to their stories and testimonies. Seeing something happen inside of them... It was a challenge, almost. A challenge that asked "How far are you willing to go? To what extreme are you going to take this whole Gospel thing to?" Even God asking me "What will you leave behind in order to follow my lead?"
So I sat down and asked myself. "How far am I willing to go?"
I prayed about it, and I felt that the answer was clear.
It's time for me to Go.



It's still time for me to go, No matter who decides to walk away from me for push me down for it. No matter who disapproves. No matter who makes fun of me for carrying a coffee can and a Toms box around school. There are so many people that are all for my trip, so many people that God has set in my path for me to cross paths with this year for important reasons, and they matter to me. They outnumber the people who disapprove. Even if everyone had turned their back against me, the fact that God approves outnumbers the opinion of man.

And he's faithful to send me if I just give myself to him, and to go for souls. It's not about me. It's about them... And it's All about Him, for his glory.

They are worthy because Jesus died for them.
He is worthy because he died for me, and my life is all I can give in return.

Decisions

After much prayer and fasting over the last couple of months, I have come to some conclusions.
This is a lot to say, but spending time at the Ramp reminded me that I'm not called to live a normal lifestyle of the average American girl. I've determined that I don't want to go to college and major in something that I probably won't do. DISCLAIMER: There are people that God has called to be reformers- people who work in society, having a job as a doctor or salesperson or teacher as their calling to witness to others.
There is not a problem with that!

Maybe he called you to be a doctor or to work in a business. Maybe that was totally his plan. It isn't wrong if it's his plan.

But sitting in school and listening to them pressure us to pick a college and a major and to drown ourselves in debt made me wonder if this is all America sees in life. We've taken our possibilities and minimized them small enough to fit in a box. Well, here's news to society:
God will not be placed in a box.
Graduating college and making a lot of money is seriously not all their is in life, and I know it isn't. There has to be more. We have to reach further into our calling and what we do. We can't pretend to hear the voice of God telling us to do something and lie to ourselves if it isn't what he called us to. Maybe he will tell you to do something or go somewhere that you are uncomfortable with, but would you rather choose your way and continue to tell people that you hear from God when you're being disobedient, or will you choose his way and his plan no matter how scary it looks?
This is a generation that is called to stop looking like everyone else in the word and that's called to look like Jesus. Be radical. Change the world and shake the status quo. Do what he's called you to do, whether that is a doctor, a pastor, a McDonald's employee or a stay at home mom. We each have a plan to fulfill. Whatever it is, be the hands and feet of him in this earth.


So here I say it. I know deep inside that I'm called to ministry. I don't know what school of ministry I will go
to yet, but I know it's going to happen. Each step in this walk with God is not boring as people stereo-type it to be. It's a thrill as we put our trust in him and watch what he does. He's amazing. And I know that wherever he sends me is where he will want me to be.
I want to be where he is.

You're the Reason why I'm on the Up & Up...

Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up...
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of

And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah, there's nothing left to prove.
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you,
A better version of me
For you

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be...

You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why

I'm on the Up & Up...

I don't believe I've faced these feelings before up until now, but at the same time, they feel so familiar. I feel like things are starting all over again, from ground zero. But it isn't exactly the exhilarating change I had expected. I expected change and glory in this new school year, and so far I've seen that. And It's absolutely  amazing what is going on right now in school. I also expected persecution, but not like this. Not in the fashion. Not quite this extreme. I didn't expect things to become this difficult. If I could only put it into better terms, it would make sense. But for now I say that I pray this is only a phase. That things become lighter in the long run and that while I may be in a valley of some sort, searching through the woods, waiting for his voice to tell me what the next step is. I'm not going to give up on this journey. I can't. I choose to overcome my emotions and circumstances and I choose to reach out and seek others instead of waiting to be sought by them. I choose to look under the rocks and in the crevices for those who need a friend, and to be a friend to them. I want to extend my hand to those in need, not hold back and wait. I'm not going to hold back anymore. I'm speaking the word of God over these insecure feelings because I know who I am, and the devil wants to do anything he can to confuse us and make us forget who we are so that we won't reach out. I'm breaking free.


Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:12-14 

Firework

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel
already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's
still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light,
and let it shine
Just own the night
 like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel
 like a wasted space
You're original, 
cannot be replaced
If you only knew
what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're the reason why 
all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through




I have a new love for this song. I generally don't listen to popular music, but there's just something about the words to this song. It encourages people and tells people what they don't hear every day. It's speaking to hearts when it says "You don't have to feel like a waste of space- you're original and you can't be replaced."
It speaking to the people who are afraid to step it up, which is most of us. I was afraid to step out and speak up and let my light shine because of fear of rejection. But I won't let that stop me now, and I hate to see other people being stopped because of fear! It's time to not be afraid anymore. It's time to let our colors burst and show people that we aren't afraid to be who we are and stand up for Christ and stand for who we are on the inside (as corny as that might sound) (Yes, I'm one of those people who take popular songs and imagine them in a spiritual context. Laugh. Okay, so anyways) it's true. This is an inspiring song. Take a listen. :)

Wisdom Cries Out in the Streets (A Personal Testimony)

To be honest, I really don't like talking about myself or posting things that are too personal. There's a lot of things that are unnecessary to even waste my time writing about. But I've picked out a topic that people point out about myself and have asked me about, so just in case you were wondering, here goes.



People often tell me that I'm an old soul. I hear people (several different people that I may know well, others that I don't know very well) tell me that I'm very wise. They remark about how mature I am. They tell me that I don't sound like I'm sixteen when I write and that I don't act like a normal sixteen year old. They don't think I look sixteen, either. So I guess I'm going to write about why this is, or why I think this is I guess.

I think that when we are getting in God's face (like going into our "prayer closets", basically spending time in both simple devotion and deep prayer on a daily basis) we grow a lot more than we expect, even as young people. The holy spirit that lives on the inside of us teaches us things in this prayer time.
 We are constantly feeding on the word of God.
We are living off of it.
We are listening to worship music, lifting up our hands daily in worship and thanking God for who he is every single day.
We may be having a rough day and the morning didn't start off the best, but we whisper "Thank you Jesus for helping me adjust my attitude today". 
These things help you grow more than you think.
You will grow when you are constantly communicating with the Lord. He made us to grow, and made us to never stop growing.

I had begun in youth group when I was like thirteen and I would feed off of what our youth leaders would tell us and what our pastor taught. I look up to elders and prayer leaders because they have wisdom and I want the same wisdom and spirit of intercession to live in me. I would feed off of the retreats. I didn't want to go to a youth retreat and come back home so that things would turn back to normal. I wanted to live in that constant feeling of being forever connected with God's heart no matter where I was or where I went. I wanted to rock the boat and I had developed an intense desire for God to use me to reach people, without selfish ambitions or pride.

 One time I started praying for people I knew needed help and that needed a rekindling of their fire. The summer of 2010, the summer before my freshman year, I would spend at least an hour and a half in my temporary bedroom at my dad's house each night praying for a list of people, and praying for Oakland high school which I'd never been to yet. Praying, worshiping and reading for an hour and a half by yourself isn't easy for the first few times. Don't think it's going to be the most amazing thing in the world your first time if you haven't done it before. You have to want it.
I prayed that God would give me vision to reach out to high school students ("What 14 year old even prays about that?" Someone once asked me.) I prayed for revival. I prayed for fire. I prayed for souls. I prayed for intense encounters that people would have in school. I prayed for the gospel to spring fourth. And even after returning home to Tennessee, I prayed about these things in my prayer group at church. Spending an hour and a half with God every night for an entire summer will cause you to grow intensely, and after you start you just don't want to stop.

Just to clarify, I wasn't the most intense spiritual person you'd ever met. But I will say that maybe I sound like one because God put these desires in me after I asked for them. You don't have to be extremely spiritual to get all of this, because I know I wasn't. I just asked.

As I grew in prayer, by hooking up in prayer groups at church, watching my youth leaders and the elders and "prayer leaders" of the church and with Christian friends, I realized that I needed to drop some things that were seriously hindering me in my walk with God and my growth and from reaching out to others. It was a big list that I didn't want to give up, but that I had to. It was time to clean out the closet. So I did.
And it really hurt.
Actually it hurt so bad that I was like "God, why can't I just kill myself now? Seriously?"
But as I quickly learned to adapt to my new environment, after throwing off the heaviness so that I could run my race (Hebrews 12:1-2) I noticed that I felt lighter.
I realized that it was okay to be alone.
That God could encounter me intensely when I was by myself in my bedroom.
That I didn't have to carry people that I didn't have to.
That I didn't have to stay in this immature mindset. That I could grow.
That change was okay, and that I can never get comfortable in one spot.

Change is okay. Especially when it's constant change.

So after I threw these things off, I separated myself from people more often and would spend more time with God. "How boring" one could say. Well, the first couple of times, maybe it is. But when you ask the Lord to stoke a passion in you, he will.



The thing is though is that I asked for wisdom. I asked God to give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation of his love and of his word (read Ephesians chapter 1). I wanted to grow. I was like "God, I'm giving everything to you, literally everything that I've ever clung onto, because I know that when I hand it to you, you will take better care of it and show me what to. You know more than me. Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine."

Even if you don't know where to start, pray for wisdom and revelation. He listens. He really does.






The biggest revelation I got to gain wisdom and understanding was this, if you want the truth.

Gain an eternal mindset and cast off the things that are temporary and that don't matter in the long run.

If people are hindering you with your walk with God, no matter who they are to you, separate yourself from them. I'm serious. Because they will screw up your walk with God and it won't be very pretty....

Obey God at all times. If you have a bad feeling or conviction about something you're doing, stop it.

Read the word. Sing the word. Say with word. Pray the word. Know the word. Live the word. 
Every single day.
Make it your life.
Seriously.
Like if you don't read the word and spend time in worship and prayer today then you're going to get grouchy because you didn't eat today and you're going to starve. That's how I look at it.
I don't care if you have no time at all in your schedule and you have to give up a little bit of sleep to do it. Either kick something, anything, off of your schedule, fast social media to gain 20 extra minutes to spend with God instead of wasting your life feeding yourself with stuff that in the end just doesn't matter, drop an extremely high level class at school that is taking up wayyyy too much of your time if needed (yeah, I just went there). But if you want wisdom you HAVE to live in the place of prayer and worship. Constantly. I'd rather have time with God and give up sleep than have more sleep and no word. It effects your attitude. Every day.

Sounds like a lot. It is. But how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live out the word, and how badly do you want wisdom?

Well, you decide for yourself.

 

Have you ever felt...

That overwhelming feeling when you find yourself away from everything you've ever known in something that you feel like you've barely felt the surface of?

Everytime I leave home, I can never get used to it. But the beauty I find in it is that getting out of my comfort zone and put in a crowd of people I'm not usually around brings me closer to Jesus.
Why?

Jesus didn't stay in Nazareth forever. He traveled and went outside of the cities. When he was old enough, he left his mother and father behind and everything he ever knew to set out on a journey to become closer to his heavenly father and to reach people. He even went away to fast and pray, because it can be difficult to do that around familiar surroundings. Sometimes we have to leave our comfort zones and shake it off to realize how much bigger and different things can be.
Shaking off comfort puts you outside of the box, and even though it may not feel too good for a while, every minute will be worth it. Murfreesboro isn't the only place God called me to stay in forever, even though it's my home and what I'm used to. I know I'm called to reach other places, and although I'm not too sure where I'm suppose to go to after high school, I do know that wherever it is, it will have purpose and glory.

So here, while I'm away, I'm making some lists and extending my hand as far as I can to people that need someone here. And it'll be worth every minute.

[26 days left]

Well, things tend to change...

At least I have my promising backpack.

Looks like we aren't moving until next weekend. After I leave. So I guess my settling in the new house won't even begin until after my Maryland and Kansas City adventures have ended. Whoever the neighbors are that live in the giant white house next to us, I hope they're nice enough to let me ride their horse one day.


Last night when I discovered that James Kufeldt accepted my friend request on Facebook I felt like a hipster celebrity. (I'm totally kidding.) but seriously. If you don't know who he is, he has the best male vocal singing voice on the planet. Better than Philip Philips? Most certainly.

                                                                                     ^^ That guy. Right there. 

I hope I get to meet him and Jon Thurlow this summer at ATC Music Academy and get some lessons from them. That would make 90% of my dreams on earth come true. (Okay, so not 90%, but it would still be the coolest thing) I admire and am greatly interested in their worship music style, honestly. Some worshipful jazz and a ton of gospel mixed in with classic, a capella, harp and bowl style, spontaneous verses coming from the holy spirit and that come straight from the word, the blend of harmonies and instrument, the way they can go into one song after another, and the deep sense of real, pure spirit, and the fact that everything beckons and calls forth the presence of God makes it all really amazing.

 I'm signed up for worship leader keys for Music Academy, and we'll only be there for 10 days. I have no idea what's going to happen but I've brushed up on The Good Soil. This song is awesome. :)

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Everything that I've been looking at for the past 2 months has directed me to Psalm 82 and Justice. I'd like to visit the Orphan Justice Center while I'm in KC and get a fill-in on all of it and what they do. I think God's putting something in my heart for it. Whatever happens, it will be great. God will make it awesome. :)

I Will Lift My Eyes...

I hate not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow.

I hate being in a stand-still waiting mode while nothing is in its place. Nothing is certain. I don’t know who will be staying at my house tomorrow night or when my family will get better with everyone in good health or when we finally have the full okay to move into this new house. And I absolutely hate it when people take everything I say the wrong way and think I’m a jerk when it isn’t my intention to sound that way, but to help instead.

 I CAN NOT FIX EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There, I said it! I admit it!

The only thing that is certain now is my backpack full of everything I need for the next week and my bible. All we can do now is live day by day and go with it spontaneously. 

Things aren’t exactly solid here. But the one thing that is certain here is God’s promises to us… he said he would give us strength in our time of need and that he wouldn’t abandon us. This is my encouragement. Last night at church my youth leader was talking about where we find our encouragement. We can’t fully rely on other peoples’ views and opinions of us, because there’s always a chance that they’ll start telling us we’re someone that we aren’t and we’ll start giving into it and seeing ourselves as something that we aren’t...

 But the truth is that we can always be certain that God thinks the best of us and that he loves us and will lift us up when we’re down when we look toward him.  This one thing is certain. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

“I will lift up my eyes unto the Hills- from where comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” –Psalm 121:1-2

This is my scripture now. Not to condemn others with my words, but to build others up. To reach out even when it feels like I’m hanging by a thread. This season is going to end. Things won’t stay like this forever. It’s going to pass.