To be honest, I really don't like talking about myself or posting things that are too personal. There's a lot of things that are unnecessary to even waste my time writing about. But I've picked out a topic that people point out about myself and have asked me about, so just in case you were wondering, here goes.
People often tell me that I'm an old soul. I hear people (several different people that I may know well, others that I don't know very well) tell me that I'm very wise. They remark about how mature I am. They tell me that I don't sound like I'm sixteen when I write and that I don't act like a normal sixteen year old. They don't think I look sixteen, either. So I guess I'm going to write about why this is, or why I think this is I guess.
I think that when we are getting in God's face (like going into our "prayer closets", basically spending time in both simple devotion and deep prayer on a daily basis) we grow a lot more than we expect, even as young people. The holy spirit that lives on the inside of us teaches us things in this prayer time.
We are constantly feeding on the word of God.
We are living off of it.
We are listening to worship music, lifting up our hands daily in worship and thanking God for who he is every single day.
We may be having a rough day and the morning didn't start off the best, but we whisper "Thank you Jesus for helping me adjust my attitude today".
These things help you grow more than you think.
You will grow when you are constantly communicating with the Lord. He made us to grow, and made us to never stop growing.
I had begun in youth group when I was like thirteen and I would feed off
of what our youth leaders would tell us and what our pastor taught. I look up to elders and prayer leaders because they have wisdom and I want the same wisdom and spirit of intercession to live in me. I
would feed off of the retreats. I didn't want to go to a youth retreat
and come back home so that things would turn back to normal. I wanted to
live in that constant feeling of being forever connected with God's
heart no matter where I was or where I went. I wanted to rock the boat
and I had developed an intense desire for God to use me to reach people,
without selfish ambitions or pride.
One time I started praying for
people I knew needed help and that needed a rekindling of their fire.
The summer of 2010, the summer before my freshman year, I would spend at
least an hour and a half in my temporary bedroom at my dad's house each
night praying for a list of people, and praying for Oakland high school
which I'd never been to yet. Praying, worshiping and reading for an hour and a half by yourself isn't easy for the first few times. Don't think it's going to be the most amazing thing in the world your first time if you haven't done it before. You have to want it.
I prayed that God would give me vision to
reach out to high school students ("What 14 year old even prays about that?" Someone once asked me.) I prayed for revival. I prayed for fire. I prayed for souls.
I prayed for intense encounters that people would have in school. I
prayed for the gospel to spring fourth. And even after returning home to
Tennessee, I prayed about these things in my prayer group at church. Spending an hour and a half with God every night for an entire summer will cause you to grow intensely, and after you start you just don't want to stop.
Just to clarify, I wasn't the most intense spiritual person you'd ever met. But I will say that maybe I sound like one because God put these desires in me after I asked for them. You don't have to be extremely spiritual to get all of this, because I know I wasn't. I just asked.
As I grew in prayer, by hooking up in prayer groups at church, watching my youth leaders and the elders and "prayer leaders" of the church and with Christian friends, I realized that I needed to drop some things that were seriously hindering me in my walk with God and my growth and from reaching out to others. It was a big list that I didn't want to give up, but that I had to. It was time to clean out the closet. So I did.
And it really hurt.
Actually it hurt so bad that I was like "God, why can't I just kill myself now? Seriously?"
But as I quickly learned to adapt to my new environment, after throwing off the heaviness so that I could run my race (Hebrews 12:1-2) I noticed that I felt lighter.
I realized that it was okay to be alone.
That God could encounter me intensely when I was by myself in my bedroom.
That I didn't have to carry people that I didn't have to.
That I didn't have to stay in this immature mindset. That I could grow.
That change was okay, and that I can never get comfortable in one spot.
Change is okay. Especially when it's constant change.
So after I threw these things off, I separated myself from people more often and would spend more time with God. "How boring" one could say. Well, the first couple of times, maybe it is. But when you ask the Lord to stoke a passion in you, he will.
The thing is though is that I asked for wisdom. I asked God to give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation of his love and of his word (read Ephesians chapter 1). I wanted to grow. I was like "God, I'm giving everything to you, literally everything that I've ever clung onto, because I know that when I hand it to you, you will take better care of it and show me what to. You know more than me. Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine."
Even if you don't know where to start, pray for wisdom and revelation. He listens. He really does.
The biggest revelation I got to gain wisdom and understanding was this, if you want the truth.
Gain an eternal mindset and cast off the things that are temporary and that don't matter in the long run.
If people are hindering you with your walk with God, no matter who they are to you, separate yourself from them. I'm serious. Because they will screw up your walk with God and it won't be very pretty....
Obey God at all times. If you have a bad feeling or conviction about something you're doing, stop it.
Read the word. Sing the word. Say with word. Pray the word. Know the word. Live the word.
Every single day.
Make it your life.
Seriously.
Like if you don't read the word and spend time in worship and prayer today then you're going to get grouchy because you didn't eat today and you're going to starve. That's how I look at it.
I don't care if you have no time at all in your schedule and you have to give up a little bit of sleep to do it. Either kick something, anything, off of your schedule, fast social media to gain 20 extra minutes to spend with God instead of wasting your life feeding yourself with stuff that in the end just doesn't matter, drop an extremely high level class at school that is taking up wayyyy too much of your time if needed (yeah, I just went there). But if you want wisdom you HAVE to live in the place of prayer and worship. Constantly. I'd rather have time with God and give up sleep than have more sleep and no word. It effects your attitude. Every day.
Sounds like a lot. It is. But how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live out the word, and how badly do you want wisdom?
Well, you decide for yourself.
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