You're the Reason why I'm on the Up & Up...

Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up...
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of

And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah, there's nothing left to prove.
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you,
A better version of me
For you

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be...

You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why

I'm on the Up & Up...

I don't believe I've faced these feelings before up until now, but at the same time, they feel so familiar. I feel like things are starting all over again, from ground zero. But it isn't exactly the exhilarating change I had expected. I expected change and glory in this new school year, and so far I've seen that. And It's absolutely  amazing what is going on right now in school. I also expected persecution, but not like this. Not in the fashion. Not quite this extreme. I didn't expect things to become this difficult. If I could only put it into better terms, it would make sense. But for now I say that I pray this is only a phase. That things become lighter in the long run and that while I may be in a valley of some sort, searching through the woods, waiting for his voice to tell me what the next step is. I'm not going to give up on this journey. I can't. I choose to overcome my emotions and circumstances and I choose to reach out and seek others instead of waiting to be sought by them. I choose to look under the rocks and in the crevices for those who need a friend, and to be a friend to them. I want to extend my hand to those in need, not hold back and wait. I'm not going to hold back anymore. I'm speaking the word of God over these insecure feelings because I know who I am, and the devil wants to do anything he can to confuse us and make us forget who we are so that we won't reach out. I'm breaking free.


Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:12-14