The Things We Go Through

[Written on 3/13/12 but I was finally able to post it today]



I can’t deny the fact that so much has changed within the past several months. But I will honestly say that this isn’t the highest point I’ve had to face within that time…
The truth is that I really don’t know what I want.

There is so much out there. I feel like I want- like I need something new. I want to expand this point of view and meet new people and get involved in a wider spectrum of life and get the fullness of a high school experience. I want to be friends with people who aren't "my usual circle". I don't even want a friendship circle. I want to make as many friends as possible. Whether or not they're popular or cool or nobodies or nerds. I guess it contributes to me interest in psychology.

I'm thinking about being a child psychologist or studying children behaviors, maybe even working with kids that aren't normal and trying to communicate with the ones that won't.


So here's a breaking confession number one. Most people might not know it, but I’ve lost my interest in JROTC. I’ve stuck with the program for two years, and at first I thought, “Wow, this is great! These are my kinda people! I’m going to be here all four years!” ...But I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. The truth is that I’ve made some AMAZING friends in JROTC and I've gained some life-long experience even in this short amount of time, but it isn't everything to me like it is to most people. I thought I knew what I was going to be dealing with, but you will never know unless you try. The program has its ups and downs, and I’ve enjoyed some of it and have certainly grown, but I feel the need to escape now. Recently I’ve felt that the rules and attitudes of others suffocate me sometimes, and not only that but the pride and arrogance of a others irk me. I have a friend that also lost interest, so after deciding to step down from leadership people have been dogging on him. I even heard one person say, "He wasn't even doing his job. He said he cared more about his grades than ROTC, can you believe that?" That has to be one of the most ignorant critical statements I've ever heard.

But besides that, I thought it was my thing and I'd stay in it but I'm really just finding out who I am myself. High School is about growing, not setting everything you do in stone. If you don't like something, you don't have to stick with it. There's more to life.

I’ve taken into consideration that if I’m a bubbly, 16 year old girl who is interested in EVERYTHING else BUT the military, who has absolutely NO intention whatsoever of even looking at the military as any kind of future career, and I need all the classes I can get to do other things I’m more interested in, then what’s the point? It isn’t as bad as it sounds- I have a lot of great friends there. But I think it’s time to move onto something new.

Second Confession: I’ve also lost the interest I once had in playing the flute. Not that I don’t like it. I’m just not as interested as I was before. So I’m doing IB Music instead, hopefully.
However... I’ve found my best interest in choir, definitely. And in the piano with songwriting. And leading worship. Psychology, yearbook, heck, I’ve even found out that I enjoy running.

So I guess that’s just it...

I want to escape my comfort zone.


I want to change some things and try new stuff. And if anyone judges me for it, they can stay in their box of misery and have fun.
I’ve never really liked getting comfortable, anyway.
I’m up for making new friends. Sometimes I see people I’d probably be very good friends with and wonder why we aren’t. I wonder why I don’t know as many people in my school as I should.
As Sophomore year begins to continue onward into the Spring and soon draw to an end, I keep looking ahead and thinking of Junior year. How things will change, how friends will come and go, how God’s love is going to continue to spring up like deep wells beneath Oakland's campus, because it’s what God's promised.
I guess as long as I have the holy spirit in me and my backpack on shoulder, I’m willing to go anywhere he sends me.

Even if it means leaving the comfort zone.






[Currently Playing- The Things We Go Through by Hawk Nelson]