I probably won't remember writing this for the next few days since I'm being sedated with Anesthesia tomorrow afternoon for wisdom tooth surgery. But before that happens, I felt tonight that I should kick back and share something with whoever decides to come across this blog post.
Jesus Christ: Creator, Savior, Redeemer, Friend, Son of God, Righteousness, Perfection, Love. The list goes on.
... Lover and Romancer.
Are those two ideal words you would initially add to that list? Why or why not?
We can be saved and encounter God in mighty ways through things he does in our lives, families, through our friends, in our situations, et cetera. But is that really the end of the story? ...Well, no. It's not. There's endless areas of God's awesomeness that we will always tap into because his love is pretty much an endless ocean. I have never been to parts of that ocean, reader. And there are parts you haven't accessed, either. Perhaps you're one who is content floating on the surface. Or maybe you're one who knows there's something more, who dunks their head beneath the surface to get a glimpse, but who quickly bobs up and down uncertainly or by accident. Perhaps you've already submerged yourself into that ocean and dive deeper and deeper still, every single day. Whatever the background, we're all different, and you will always have a choice.
Anyhow, let's see... Romancer and Lover... I didn't quite pictures these adjectives with Jesus honestly until I was layed out on the floor at a youth conference about a year and a half ago. I had nothing left to give. At the time I had already given so much of myself, and lost friendships, and was going through things that I didn't really understand. All I could do was lay there and cry and ask God for more of him and less of myself. Because I won't get more of him by being full of nothing but me, myself and I. And when I came to this point of realization..... I can't even explain it in words the love of Christ that overtook my heart. It's called divine encounter. The point where you've hit rock bottom and all you can do is look up. Or the point where you've reached the top of the atmosphere and you just can't take to be trapped beneath a bubble anymore, so with full force you burst through the atmosphere with nothing holding you back anymore from the space beyond. Liberation.
Once we realize that Jesus Christ came not only to set us free, but that we were seriously made to be encountered with love so deep on a daily basis, it shakes things. This is the point where the chains of the same sin that binds us over and over again completely break off and are left behind. This is the point when people begin mocking you and calling you a quitter, and with slight discouragement at first you walk away, head hanging low, but you stop in your tracks and remember that that isn't who you are, because you find who you are/your Identity in the word and love of Christ. This is the daily process of dying to ourselves and coming alive in the Love of Christ and living a lifestyle of love rather than drifting through life wishing we had more. Friend, I don't know why I'm writing this, but maybe you aren't sure what the next step is. I'm telling you that if you do this one thing (which maybe you aren't used to, but it works every time, with promise) and get down on your knees in your bedroom at night and turn your worship music on and open your bible and close your eyes and say "God, I'm open to receive your important words and your love for me, and I thank you for helping me to understand what you want me to do next." then things will happen. You can't ask God for something and not expect it to happen. He does what he says. When we speak to him, we move his heart, because he loves us. Because he loves you.
He is our lover and romancer... not the creepy kind like when you're 25 and not married and you say "I don't need an earthly husband, because Jesus is my husband forever!"... but the kind where you come in your room at night and he's there, tenderly waiting for you to come to him and talk to him. He's the kind when you don't know what to do next he wraps you in his everlasting embrace. He's the kind when you've given yourself away to the things of this world that will still be persistent to pursue you... he wants your gaze to be fixed on him. He wants your full devotion.
My goal is to work on these things this week. To spend time with God while recovering and to refresh my mind and heart to his word and presence... I want a heart that is fully in love with Jesus, because that's my testimony, and nothing else.
Have a beautiful week and be sure to spend plenty of time relaxing and enjoying the weather before it gets too cold. :)
Sincerely.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
You're the Reason why I'm on the Up & Up...
Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more
Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be
Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up...
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more
Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be
Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up...
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah, there's nothing left to prove.
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you,
A better version of me
For you
To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed
But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be...
You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed
But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be...
You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why
I'm on the Up & Up...
I don't believe I've faced these feelings before up until now, but at the same time, they feel so familiar. I feel like things are starting all over again, from ground zero. But it isn't exactly the exhilarating change I had expected. I expected change and glory in this new school year, and so far I've seen that. And It's absolutely amazing what is going on right now in school. I also expected persecution, but not like this. Not in the fashion. Not quite this extreme. I didn't expect things to become this difficult. If I could only put it into better terms, it would make sense. But for now I say that I pray this is only a phase. That things become lighter in the long run and that while I may be in a valley of some sort, searching through the woods, waiting for his voice to tell me what the next step is. I'm not going to give up on this journey. I can't. I choose to overcome my emotions and circumstances and I choose to reach out and seek others instead of waiting to be sought by them. I choose to look under the rocks and in the crevices for those who need a friend, and to be a friend to them. I want to extend my hand to those in need, not hold back and wait. I'm not going to hold back anymore. I'm speaking the word of God over these insecure feelings because I know who I am, and the devil wants to do anything he can to confuse us and make us forget who we are so that we won't reach out. I'm breaking free.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Firework
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel
already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's
still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light,
and let it shine
Just own the night
like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
You don't have to feel
like a wasted space
You're original,
cannot be replaced
If you only knew
what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're the reason why
all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
I have a new love for this song. I generally don't listen to popular music, but there's just something about the words to this song. It encourages people and tells people what they don't hear every day. It's speaking to hearts when it says "You don't have to feel like a waste of space- you're original and you can't be replaced."
It speaking to the people who are afraid to step it up, which is most of us. I was afraid to step out and speak up and let my light shine because of fear of rejection. But I won't let that stop me now, and I hate to see other people being stopped because of fear! It's time to not be afraid anymore. It's time to let our colors burst and show people that we aren't afraid to be who we are and stand up for Christ and stand for who we are on the inside (as corny as that might sound) (Yes, I'm one of those people who take popular songs and imagine them in a spiritual context. Laugh. Okay, so anyways) it's true. This is an inspiring song. Take a listen. :)
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel
already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's
still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light,
and let it shine
Just own the night
like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
You don't have to feel
like a wasted space
You're original,
cannot be replaced
If you only knew
what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're the reason why
all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
I have a new love for this song. I generally don't listen to popular music, but there's just something about the words to this song. It encourages people and tells people what they don't hear every day. It's speaking to hearts when it says "You don't have to feel like a waste of space- you're original and you can't be replaced."
It speaking to the people who are afraid to step it up, which is most of us. I was afraid to step out and speak up and let my light shine because of fear of rejection. But I won't let that stop me now, and I hate to see other people being stopped because of fear! It's time to not be afraid anymore. It's time to let our colors burst and show people that we aren't afraid to be who we are and stand up for Christ and stand for who we are on the inside (as corny as that might sound) (Yes, I'm one of those people who take popular songs and imagine them in a spiritual context. Laugh. Okay, so anyways) it's true. This is an inspiring song. Take a listen. :)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Speak from the Heart
Faces
I see every single day in the
Hallway
As I pass by them by, I hear these
Words
We exchange among us as we pass through another
Doorway
Every single day, I wonder what they go
Through
what's going on
Inside
what they feel, too
Maybe
if I could just
Reach out my
Hand
and minister to their
Hearts
Tell them that they don't have to stand in this
Identity Crisis
Alone
We don't have to accept this
Image
known as the
Status Quo
Never Tear down
with these Words we
Share
Every single day
We're called to
Build eachother up and to
Speak from the
Heart
9/20/2012
I see every single day in the
Hallway
As I pass by them by, I hear these
Words
We exchange among us as we pass through another
Doorway
Every single day, I wonder what they go
Through
what's going on
Inside
what they feel, too
Maybe
if I could just
Reach out my
Hand
and minister to their
Hearts
Tell them that they don't have to stand in this
Identity Crisis
Alone
We don't have to accept this
Image
known as the
Status Quo
Never Tear down
with these Words we
Share
Every single day
We're called to
Build eachother up and to
Speak from the
Heart
9/20/2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Some Scripture from this Morning
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:6-7
“I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness,
And will hold Your hand;
I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the Gentiles,
And will hold Your hand;
I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the Gentiles,
To open blind eyes,
To bring out prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.
To bring out prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.
-Isaiah 42:6-7
"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." -Galatians 5:25-26
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
-Romans 12:2
"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."
Philipians 4:13
"This Book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night... for the then you will make your way prosperous and have good success." -Joshua 1:8
I wish I could have gotten them all down. These are the ones I remember.
The new Tuesday morning prayer group at school really inspired me today. I felt a new peace settle in my heart yesterday after the previous hectic week and especially after praying with these guys this morning. It inspires me to see 15-20 young people who want to get together and talk about God and pray together at school. And even as individuals these people inspire me when I see them in the hallway at school. They inspire me to keep running after God and to continue in patience in love. I want to run after God like that. I want to live a life of confessing his word every single day.
Friday, September 14, 2012
To be carried in the midst of strife
I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me
And even though I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me
I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm
To hang on to this simple truth is life. When you're weak, he will pick you up and carry you. When you're carrying a heavy burden, he will take it from you when you give it to him. When you're empty, he will fill you up.
God, help me to remember every single day that I'm human. Help me learn not to take everything on at once. Help me to be dependent on you from now on. Help me to drop my pride and not be afraid to show others that I'm not perfect, because overachieving isn't everything. We're all human. We all cry. We all mess up. We all fail. And through this, we still have you and your everlasting love. We still have friends. We still have people around us that love us and care about us.
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me
And even though I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me
I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm
To hang on to this simple truth is life. When you're weak, he will pick you up and carry you. When you're carrying a heavy burden, he will take it from you when you give it to him. When you're empty, he will fill you up.
God, help me to remember every single day that I'm human. Help me learn not to take everything on at once. Help me to be dependent on you from now on. Help me to drop my pride and not be afraid to show others that I'm not perfect, because overachieving isn't everything. We're all human. We all cry. We all mess up. We all fail. And through this, we still have you and your everlasting love. We still have friends. We still have people around us that love us and care about us.
In Jesus' name.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
A Life-changing week...
I can't write it all down. I feel that the things God have done in my heart today, and in the hearts of the people at Oakland throughout this week are exploding inside of me, and the week isn't even over yet. I didn't know why I was going to fast this week, but I just went with it. I expected God to pour his love on me, because he gives us things on the inside when we fast, but this is WAY more than I expected! The first day was hard and I had an awful day along with it, but even through the difficulties and struggles, every single day something impacting in my school happened.
Something totally, radically, heart moving and impacting.
God showed himself to me today, and I couldn't help but to find myself in tears when I saw this. When I stood in the exact same place that I stood in my dream, seeing the exact same thing happen. This was the dream. The dream God put inside of me. It was his dream...
This was the FCA revolution this morning.
This is it.
He showed me today that he is faithful to answer the things we ask for. Today he showed me that he will always and forever keep his promises.
The things he promised me two years ago. They're happening when I walk into Oakland High School every single day, connected with all of the other people that are after God's heart and that are out to reach people and pray for them. They're happening when these prayer groups at school meet. They're happening when someone who doesn't know the love of God is coming to realize that there is more to life because someone reached out to them...
Things are changing, and things are shifting. It's no longer on the horizon that I longingly watched and awaited for so long in prayer. It's here.
This is the year...
Something totally, radically, heart moving and impacting.
God showed himself to me today, and I couldn't help but to find myself in tears when I saw this. When I stood in the exact same place that I stood in my dream, seeing the exact same thing happen. This was the dream. The dream God put inside of me. It was his dream...
This was the FCA revolution this morning.
This is it.
He showed me today that he is faithful to answer the things we ask for. Today he showed me that he will always and forever keep his promises.
The things he promised me two years ago. They're happening when I walk into Oakland High School every single day, connected with all of the other people that are after God's heart and that are out to reach people and pray for them. They're happening when these prayer groups at school meet. They're happening when someone who doesn't know the love of God is coming to realize that there is more to life because someone reached out to them...
Things are changing, and things are shifting. It's no longer on the horizon that I longingly watched and awaited for so long in prayer. It's here.
This is the year...
Friday, September 7, 2012
Life is a Vapor, but his love never changes.
Things can change in an instant just as much as they can change over a period of two months. People can come and go, disasters happen, opportunities arise, and it just goes on as this never-ending, ever-changing thing. Life is a vapor, and at the end of that vapor, it all comes down to what we've lived for...
I feel like coming back to high school this year, knowing that I've changed in ways myself over the summer, I see changes that people I've been friends with have gone through. Some of them are disappointing, while others are surprising, and others are completely great. I've lost the closeness with some, but I've gained friendships with new people at the same time.
So whether things are changing here in an instant or over a period of time, they're going to change. And whether it may be disappointing, I have to love and move on. We have to choose to move on. The reality is that Jesus' love never changes. I feel like I've written this so much, but how true is it to me? How real is this fact to us? When I've gone through the day and I'm weary and burdened and tired of seeing things I wish I hadn't or realizing things I wish were never true, I walk into my room and shut the door behind me, and he's there. He's the only one there when it's all said and done. And maybe other people might change, but he won't. He promises to always love us and to never leave us. And even though sometimes I get tired and thoughtful, I realize in the end that his never-changing, ever present love is all I need. It's all we need.
We could have so many material possessions, but they can be snatched away in an instant. We have friends that we love that could change in an instant and decide to be someone we never thought they'd be. We have a family, even closer, that we could be far away from, or that could be there next to us, but that may be absent or caught up in other things. We could have absolutely nothing. And if we did, what would fulfill the emptiness in our hearts?
I feel like coming back to high school this year, knowing that I've changed in ways myself over the summer, I see changes that people I've been friends with have gone through. Some of them are disappointing, while others are surprising, and others are completely great. I've lost the closeness with some, but I've gained friendships with new people at the same time.
So whether things are changing here in an instant or over a period of time, they're going to change. And whether it may be disappointing, I have to love and move on. We have to choose to move on. The reality is that Jesus' love never changes. I feel like I've written this so much, but how true is it to me? How real is this fact to us? When I've gone through the day and I'm weary and burdened and tired of seeing things I wish I hadn't or realizing things I wish were never true, I walk into my room and shut the door behind me, and he's there. He's the only one there when it's all said and done. And maybe other people might change, but he won't. He promises to always love us and to never leave us. And even though sometimes I get tired and thoughtful, I realize in the end that his never-changing, ever present love is all I need. It's all we need.
We could have so many material possessions, but they can be snatched away in an instant. We have friends that we love that could change in an instant and decide to be someone we never thought they'd be. We have a family, even closer, that we could be far away from, or that could be there next to us, but that may be absent or caught up in other things. We could have absolutely nothing. And if we did, what would fulfill the emptiness in our hearts?
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Wisdom Cries Out in the Streets (A Personal Testimony)
To be honest, I really don't like talking about myself or posting things that are too personal. There's a lot of things that are unnecessary to even waste my time writing about. But I've picked out a topic that people point out about myself and have asked me about, so just in case you were wondering, here goes.
People often tell me that I'm an old soul. I hear people (several different people that I may know well, others that I don't know very well) tell me that I'm very wise. They remark about how mature I am. They tell me that I don't sound like I'm sixteen when I write and that I don't act like a normal sixteen year old. They don't think I look sixteen, either. So I guess I'm going to write about why this is, or why I think this is I guess.
I think that when we are getting in God's face (like going into our "prayer closets", basically spending time in both simple devotion and deep prayer on a daily basis) we grow a lot more than we expect, even as young people. The holy spirit that lives on the inside of us teaches us things in this prayer time.
We are constantly feeding on the word of God.
We are living off of it.
We are listening to worship music, lifting up our hands daily in worship and thanking God for who he is every single day.
We may be having a rough day and the morning didn't start off the best, but we whisper "Thank you Jesus for helping me adjust my attitude today".
These things help you grow more than you think.
You will grow when you are constantly communicating with the Lord. He made us to grow, and made us to never stop growing.
I had begun in youth group when I was like thirteen and I would feed off of what our youth leaders would tell us and what our pastor taught. I look up to elders and prayer leaders because they have wisdom and I want the same wisdom and spirit of intercession to live in me. I would feed off of the retreats. I didn't want to go to a youth retreat and come back home so that things would turn back to normal. I wanted to live in that constant feeling of being forever connected with God's heart no matter where I was or where I went. I wanted to rock the boat and I had developed an intense desire for God to use me to reach people, without selfish ambitions or pride.
One time I started praying for people I knew needed help and that needed a rekindling of their fire. The summer of 2010, the summer before my freshman year, I would spend at least an hour and a half in my temporary bedroom at my dad's house each night praying for a list of people, and praying for Oakland high school which I'd never been to yet. Praying, worshiping and reading for an hour and a half by yourself isn't easy for the first few times. Don't think it's going to be the most amazing thing in the world your first time if you haven't done it before. You have to want it.
I prayed that God would give me vision to reach out to high school students ("What 14 year old even prays about that?" Someone once asked me.) I prayed for revival. I prayed for fire. I prayed for souls. I prayed for intense encounters that people would have in school. I prayed for the gospel to spring fourth. And even after returning home to Tennessee, I prayed about these things in my prayer group at church. Spending an hour and a half with God every night for an entire summer will cause you to grow intensely, and after you start you just don't want to stop.
Just to clarify, I wasn't the most intense spiritual person you'd ever met. But I will say that maybe I sound like one because God put these desires in me after I asked for them. You don't have to be extremely spiritual to get all of this, because I know I wasn't. I just asked.
As I grew in prayer, by hooking up in prayer groups at church, watching my youth leaders and the elders and "prayer leaders" of the church and with Christian friends, I realized that I needed to drop some things that were seriously hindering me in my walk with God and my growth and from reaching out to others. It was a big list that I didn't want to give up, but that I had to. It was time to clean out the closet. So I did.
And it really hurt.
Actually it hurt so bad that I was like "God, why can't I just kill myself now? Seriously?"
But as I quickly learned to adapt to my new environment, after throwing off the heaviness so that I could run my race (Hebrews 12:1-2) I noticed that I felt lighter.
I realized that it was okay to be alone.
That God could encounter me intensely when I was by myself in my bedroom.
That I didn't have to carry people that I didn't have to.
That I didn't have to stay in this immature mindset. That I could grow.
That change was okay, and that I can never get comfortable in one spot.
Change is okay. Especially when it's constant change.
So after I threw these things off, I separated myself from people more often and would spend more time with God. "How boring" one could say. Well, the first couple of times, maybe it is. But when you ask the Lord to stoke a passion in you, he will.
The thing is though is that I asked for wisdom. I asked God to give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation of his love and of his word (read Ephesians chapter 1). I wanted to grow. I was like "God, I'm giving everything to you, literally everything that I've ever clung onto, because I know that when I hand it to you, you will take better care of it and show me what to. You know more than me. Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine."
Even if you don't know where to start, pray for wisdom and revelation. He listens. He really does.
The biggest revelation I got to gain wisdom and understanding was this, if you want the truth.
Gain an eternal mindset and cast off the things that are temporary and that don't matter in the long run.
If people are hindering you with your walk with God, no matter who they are to you, separate yourself from them. I'm serious. Because they will screw up your walk with God and it won't be very pretty....
Obey God at all times. If you have a bad feeling or conviction about something you're doing, stop it.
Read the word. Sing the word. Say with word. Pray the word. Know the word. Live the word.
Every single day.
Make it your life.
Seriously.
Like if you don't read the word and spend time in worship and prayer today then you're going to get grouchy because you didn't eat today and you're going to starve. That's how I look at it.
I don't care if you have no time at all in your schedule and you have to give up a little bit of sleep to do it. Either kick something, anything, off of your schedule, fast social media to gain 20 extra minutes to spend with God instead of wasting your life feeding yourself with stuff that in the end just doesn't matter, drop an extremely high level class at school that is taking up wayyyy too much of your time if needed (yeah, I just went there). But if you want wisdom you HAVE to live in the place of prayer and worship. Constantly. I'd rather have time with God and give up sleep than have more sleep and no word. It effects your attitude. Every day.
Sounds like a lot. It is. But how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live out the word, and how badly do you want wisdom?
Well, you decide for yourself.
People often tell me that I'm an old soul. I hear people (several different people that I may know well, others that I don't know very well) tell me that I'm very wise. They remark about how mature I am. They tell me that I don't sound like I'm sixteen when I write and that I don't act like a normal sixteen year old. They don't think I look sixteen, either. So I guess I'm going to write about why this is, or why I think this is I guess.
I think that when we are getting in God's face (like going into our "prayer closets", basically spending time in both simple devotion and deep prayer on a daily basis) we grow a lot more than we expect, even as young people. The holy spirit that lives on the inside of us teaches us things in this prayer time.
We are constantly feeding on the word of God.
We are living off of it.
We are listening to worship music, lifting up our hands daily in worship and thanking God for who he is every single day.
We may be having a rough day and the morning didn't start off the best, but we whisper "Thank you Jesus for helping me adjust my attitude today".
These things help you grow more than you think.
You will grow when you are constantly communicating with the Lord. He made us to grow, and made us to never stop growing.
I had begun in youth group when I was like thirteen and I would feed off of what our youth leaders would tell us and what our pastor taught. I look up to elders and prayer leaders because they have wisdom and I want the same wisdom and spirit of intercession to live in me. I would feed off of the retreats. I didn't want to go to a youth retreat and come back home so that things would turn back to normal. I wanted to live in that constant feeling of being forever connected with God's heart no matter where I was or where I went. I wanted to rock the boat and I had developed an intense desire for God to use me to reach people, without selfish ambitions or pride.
One time I started praying for people I knew needed help and that needed a rekindling of their fire. The summer of 2010, the summer before my freshman year, I would spend at least an hour and a half in my temporary bedroom at my dad's house each night praying for a list of people, and praying for Oakland high school which I'd never been to yet. Praying, worshiping and reading for an hour and a half by yourself isn't easy for the first few times. Don't think it's going to be the most amazing thing in the world your first time if you haven't done it before. You have to want it.
I prayed that God would give me vision to reach out to high school students ("What 14 year old even prays about that?" Someone once asked me.) I prayed for revival. I prayed for fire. I prayed for souls. I prayed for intense encounters that people would have in school. I prayed for the gospel to spring fourth. And even after returning home to Tennessee, I prayed about these things in my prayer group at church. Spending an hour and a half with God every night for an entire summer will cause you to grow intensely, and after you start you just don't want to stop.
Just to clarify, I wasn't the most intense spiritual person you'd ever met. But I will say that maybe I sound like one because God put these desires in me after I asked for them. You don't have to be extremely spiritual to get all of this, because I know I wasn't. I just asked.
As I grew in prayer, by hooking up in prayer groups at church, watching my youth leaders and the elders and "prayer leaders" of the church and with Christian friends, I realized that I needed to drop some things that were seriously hindering me in my walk with God and my growth and from reaching out to others. It was a big list that I didn't want to give up, but that I had to. It was time to clean out the closet. So I did.
And it really hurt.
Actually it hurt so bad that I was like "God, why can't I just kill myself now? Seriously?"
But as I quickly learned to adapt to my new environment, after throwing off the heaviness so that I could run my race (Hebrews 12:1-2) I noticed that I felt lighter.
I realized that it was okay to be alone.
That God could encounter me intensely when I was by myself in my bedroom.
That I didn't have to carry people that I didn't have to.
That I didn't have to stay in this immature mindset. That I could grow.
That change was okay, and that I can never get comfortable in one spot.
Change is okay. Especially when it's constant change.
So after I threw these things off, I separated myself from people more often and would spend more time with God. "How boring" one could say. Well, the first couple of times, maybe it is. But when you ask the Lord to stoke a passion in you, he will.
The thing is though is that I asked for wisdom. I asked God to give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation of his love and of his word (read Ephesians chapter 1). I wanted to grow. I was like "God, I'm giving everything to you, literally everything that I've ever clung onto, because I know that when I hand it to you, you will take better care of it and show me what to. You know more than me. Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine."
Even if you don't know where to start, pray for wisdom and revelation. He listens. He really does.
The biggest revelation I got to gain wisdom and understanding was this, if you want the truth.
Gain an eternal mindset and cast off the things that are temporary and that don't matter in the long run.
If people are hindering you with your walk with God, no matter who they are to you, separate yourself from them. I'm serious. Because they will screw up your walk with God and it won't be very pretty....
Obey God at all times. If you have a bad feeling or conviction about something you're doing, stop it.
Read the word. Sing the word. Say with word. Pray the word. Know the word. Live the word.
Every single day.
Make it your life.
Seriously.
Like if you don't read the word and spend time in worship and prayer today then you're going to get grouchy because you didn't eat today and you're going to starve. That's how I look at it.
I don't care if you have no time at all in your schedule and you have to give up a little bit of sleep to do it. Either kick something, anything, off of your schedule, fast social media to gain 20 extra minutes to spend with God instead of wasting your life feeding yourself with stuff that in the end just doesn't matter, drop an extremely high level class at school that is taking up wayyyy too much of your time if needed (yeah, I just went there). But if you want wisdom you HAVE to live in the place of prayer and worship. Constantly. I'd rather have time with God and give up sleep than have more sleep and no word. It effects your attitude. Every day.
Sounds like a lot. It is. But how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live out the word, and how badly do you want wisdom?
Well, you decide for yourself.
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