Sometimes all it takes is a song to take me back into those years. Those years that really weren't that long ago but feel like forever ago. The years of late night phone calls and early teenage angst. The years of rock music, video games and looking up to all the other teenagers while trying to figure out what I was suppose to do. The years of being crammed into a small school and trying to get over being treated like a 5th grader.
It's really like a distant, completely different world that's in the back of my mind.
I've wanted to blog about this for like a month now because I keep hearing songs, talking to people and remembering things from those days.
Some days, although things are so much better now, I want those years back. Most of the time I'm glad they're over. I really wonder how things would have turned out if I hadn't encountered God the way I did when I was 13. How much different things would be. I would have been nowhere near who I am now and definitely nothing close.
Honestly, I think that's really why God draws me to people that look like a reflection of who I used to be. You see the people on the side of the courtyard who wear mostly black, draw anime and listen to weird music? Usually they act strange and laugh at things that don't make sense? Yes, that was me. (honestly that still is me at times, I will admit. lol)
There are some times when I try to run away from it. High school makes me want to bury the old days because of the fear of having to relive them. But this concept is silly because I will never actually have to relive the past. Although I have tried to ignore the idea and pretend like it isn't really me, I like those people because something about them brings back truths about the past that I don't reveal to people now, and parts of my personality that I tend to keep hidden. The only person that really keeps any of those things from the past awakened is my nephew because he's quite similar to who I used to be in middle school.
Afterall, new school, new me. This has been my philosophy of high school since leaving middle school. I can enter the doors and create a new person. I can make any friends that I want to. Why have to bring up anything from the past when I can create a whole new me and change?
On the broader perspective, I feel that I can relate to those people that remind me of my past in deeper ways... like their emotions, and the turmoil and questionings they more than likely face. Because I remember those things. I remember being bullied because I was "weird" and liked to read big fictional books, draw anime and write. I remember wanting to know why God made me and having a low self esteem about myself. I remember contemplating his existence and I remember being depressed. Those people that are often referred to as "weirdos" and "freaks" are actually amazing people, because God has a beautiful plan for them. They have unique personalities because that's how they were made. Perhaps they haven't been awakened to his plan yet, or maybe they have. But a plan for them is existent and we shouldn't be afraid to reach out to anyone, no matter what social class or group they are in. I'm a serious example. Becoming awakened to the light of who God really is and what Jesus really did for me shook my devastated world.
And although the past may not be of the best interest, sometimes reaching into it will help us reach others through a personality we once had and tried to bury.
So this is my challenge for the next year and a half in high school- reaching out to others in this new perspective. Reaching backwards to the person I used to be and trying to find people that I can really relate to.
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